Humor

WHEN SOMEBODY THINKS YOU’RE WONDERFUL…

/ helbergfarmstories / 7 Comments

This little ditty is for my friend blogger – DizzieLizzie – hope she likes it!

I listen to AccuRadio whenever I am at my computer.  Right now I listen to their Pop Standards: Rock Vocalists channel and there just so happens to be a song on by Bryan Ferry called When Somebody Thinks You’re Wonderful.  I just finished reading DizzieLizzies latest post on Looking UP….this song made me think of her!  It is an older song re-mixed into a newer song (that is what most of this channel is – also has great Rod Stewart and Bette Midler – love it!) and it is very bubbly.

So, in keeping with my New Year Resolution – here’s my bit-o-giggle for today….

When somebody thinks you’re wonderful…

silly dog

When somebody thinks you care…

silly pandas

When somebody thinks you’re wonderful…

silly dog 2

When you have so much love to share….

silly marmosets

When somebody thinks you’re wonderful…

silly llama

When your skies turn sad and gray…

silly emu

When somebody thinks your wonderful…

silly kitten n ducks

When I’ll help chase those clouds away.

silly cat

Ok, so that is not the exact words, but you get the gist.  Just wanted to share that none of us are ever really alone.  We just need to be reminded from time-to-time of those that encourage, love and support us…friends…family…God…the Guy sitting in the car in front of my house (oh wait – scratch the last one, that would actually be considered a stalker – oops LOL). 

Go out, suck in the sunshine, take a deep breath (except up by my family in MI – your nose will stick together from the cold so don’t do that-ouch LOL), and greet the day!

 

WHEN DO YOU REST?

/ helbergfarmstories / 9 Comments

If you are anything like me, right after Christmas and New Year celebrations you immediately start thinking about spring planting. Well, a fellow blogger, Flowery Prose, just helped me to remember what winter is for – a time of resting.

There is a time for everything, including resting, this is what winter is to me.

bluejay

(even this Blue Jay appears to be resting)

Don’t get me wrong – I love my gardens and can’t wait to get into them every year. I love all parts of gardening from starting the seeds:

starting seeds

To moving those first starts into the gardens:

 

transplanting

Even weeding:

pulling weeds

Then there is that wonderful harvest:

 

fall harvest veggies

Which always involves canning:

 

canned veggies

(this includes vacuum freezing and dehydrating)

So we should be like all of the other living things around our gardens (even the bad critters – grr!) and use winter as our time of rest!

sleeping baby goat

sleeping fox

DSCF0039

 

 

 

 

 

sleeping mountain lion

sleeping bear

Because once it finally starts to warm up outside – the work begins again!

 

good pic our veggie garden

Now, don’t-cha just love the time of rest – wooo hooo!

 

BECAUSE THE BIRDS WERE GOING NUTS!

/ helbergfarmstories / 7 Comments

(Before you read this, think of the old Dick Tracy or Dragnet style of storytelling – it will help-lol.)

THE CITY: Just outside of Brush, Colorado

THE TIME: 4:00 P.M. ish

THE DATE: January 18, 2016

It was a Monday just like all the others, or so I thought. Most of the day went off without a hitch. Get up, get ready for the day, feed the critters and start business. Every weekday afternoon (except holidays and teacher only work days) at 3:30 ish go wait for the bus to drop off my grandson Nathan.

I waited, he was delivered, and then I decided that there was storm front coming in so I went to do up chores early. That was when the game changed. The guineas were screaming of something wrong. They were all on top of the chicken coop instead of their normal racing on the ground – something was definitely amiss.

I couldn’t tell where the trouble was, as guineas do not stand still when they are scared. They will gather in a bunch and then mingle and scream at each other. Like that will fix the problem? I began trying to gather all the fowl into their barn and that’s when I saw it – DUN DUN DAAAA:

opossum 1

It was on the north end of the coop, in the path that I created around the greenhouse. It was just as scared of me as I was of it! We stood for just a moment locked in each other’s gaze. Then it turned and headed for the greenhouse and feed shed – oh oh! They move faster in the snow than I had expected.

I quickly reached for my cell phone to try to nab the critter (ok, just a picture of the critter), but I was too slow (story of my life). It was now hiding behind an old wheelbarrow that was leaning against the feed shed – score one for the opossum!

We have a gap in the base boards of that area, so I snuck around to the inside of the shed, still hoping to get a shot at it (oops, I mean of it -LOL). It was a crafty critter, all I had a clear shot of was its butt.

I decided that this beastie had won this round – but I will be ready for it in the morning!

opossum 2

(FYI – it is morning 1/19 and it is gone – boo hoo. First time I/we have every had one up at the farm. I wonder if it is a shemale looking for a baby maker house? Hmm – will have to keep an eye out for it – and maybe babies?)

JUST BECAUSE YOU MADE ME LAUGH.

/ helbergfarmstories / 5 Comments

JUST BECAUSE YOU MADE ME LAUGH.

In keeping with my New Year Resolution, this one is for Arlene (https://arlenedavidsully.wordpress.com) because she was the first to make me laugh today.

First we have – find the Praying Mantis:

PRAYING MANTIS 9-11-15

She found a great place to blend in with our Virginia Creeper.  They are popping up all over the place the last couple of years.  The one that is on this wheel against the house is the biggest:

DSC_0005 (1)

Yes, this most recent pic is during winter so it is crushed a bit, but you get the idea.  When it is mid-summer it completely covers the old metal wagon wheel, then starts traveling up the porch rails.

Then there is this:

my precious-cat pic

Which happens to be the exact same thing that our 2 Christmas newbies are doing.  The problem is that EVERYTHING is their precious – including my hair, my yarn and my pencils (one of the idiots loves to swipe them and then chew off the erasers?  Doesn’t eat them, just pulls them off and leaves them laying around the house?)

 

 

Last, but not least, in keeping with this years’ theme; one of the guineas has managed to get through the fence between our hens and the roosters – he is now dubbed Houdini!  I have no clue how he did it?  We never let all the girls and boys out together, and I have combed both sides of the coups only to find nothing – no visible means of escape.  Now the stupid bird can just stay with the boys – ha ha ha (it is funny cuz all he does is run up and down alongside the pen squawking at all the others to let him back in.)!   They look cool, are great critter hunters, but it is obvious they have a brain smaller than a pea.

So there are these:

guinea face 1                guinea face 2

How can you not laugh at something that looks like this?  They have a flat nob on their head like a dino would have had.  They run super-fast but never seem to know where they are going.  Their sound is like a bad squeaky wheel or door (really bad and really loud).  They do let you know if there is anything different in your yard, on the road, in the barn wherever.  They are also the best thing for catching grasshoppers, snakes, mice and other fast pesties in the gardens.  But when they do their circle dance it is hysterical (will try to catch a video of it this spring).

I hope this starts your Monday on a happier note!?

Happy Gardening!    guinea face 3

TO START OR NOT TO START – NOW THAT IS A QUESTION?

/ helbergfarmstories / 15 Comments

YES – it is, once again, that time of year that we are all thinking “WHEN IS THIS COLD GOING TO END?”  However, there are a ton of us that are not thinking that.  Instead we are thinking “HOW MANY MORE DAYS TILL SPRING?”  Our house is even counting the days to our normal last frost.  Reason being – SEED STARTING.

different seeds

Getting magazine, after magazine, after magazine, AFTER magazine (you get the picture) since before Halloween last year (oh yes – that is when the first one showed up warning us of impending doom if we do not order before the first of the year? –REALLY?).  Filling our heads with visions of daffodils instead of sugar plums at Christmas.  Warming our hearts during the coldest New Year’s Eve parties with planting zone predictions.

pic of pile of garden mags

Yep, got the bug really bad this year!  The last 2 years were just too rough (read previous blogs for more info) for this optimist dreamer to even fathom decent gardens.  Well, get ready for me dirt – cuz here I come!!

fighting dirt

I will be yanking on weeds, showering you with great composted fertilizer mixes and setting you up on the best companion planting dates I can put together!  We have been saving egg shells and coffee grounds by the pounds, ready to mingle into your warmth.

 crushing egg shells                                               coffee beans

 

Even though we still have snow on the ground, and temps at night below freezing – beware!  We are getting ready to attack!  So gardens, prepare for an outbreak of major spring fever that will knock your socks (ok, so they don’t really have socks) off!

spring fever

We have several new ideas in our plans in our arsenal for starting seeds this year.  I will be watching (and taking pics and notes) you gardens –  very VERY closely – to know when you are best prepared.  So let the seed starting games begin!

WHAT IS THIS? HINT – ITS NOT SNOW.

/ helbergfarmstories / 5 Comments

fog day in herb garden

(the flash from my camera made it a lot brighter out than it was – only about 5:30 a.m. here)

Nope – it’s not snow.  Looked like it was to me at first then I saw this:

DSC_0003 (2)

Normally you can see the woods and the highway to the upper left very VERY clearly.  Not this day.  The longer I watched the more shaded the trees became until they completely disappeared (sadly the battery on my camera died-figures LOL)…it was FOG!!

We get fog quite often here.  When the weather comes down from the Rockies, dips deep into the foothills of Denver, then follows the Platte River out our way – we never know what it will bring/do.

This time was amazing.  We have snow on the ground already from a couple of good previous snows – but this was unusual.  The fog was so dense, wet, and heavy that it formed a layer on everything. 

Eventually, and unfortunately briefly, even the far fence line in this photo disappeared – can you say Twilight Zone again?? I encountered fog this thick once before back in Wisconsin.  I was about 19 years old, was heading from Plymouth to Sheboygan for an interview.  The fog came in so fast and so thick off of Lake Michigan that I had to open my door to see the center line.  Of course, the chicken that I am when it comes to driving blind, I then turned around and changed my appointment.

It’s a very creepy feeling when you cannot see more than about five feet in front of you!  This time I was safe in my home and wishing it had hung around longer.  It was early morning and, once the sun comes up in Colorado, it will burn off anything hanging (yep – bad pun- LOL) around.  Gotta love livin here – never a dull moment!

DSC_0005 (1)

 

GARDENING RESOLUTION #1- MORE FUN!

/ helbergfarmstories / 8 Comments

The last 2 years have been really rough for living and gardening, so I just have 1 resolution for 2016…

HAVE MORE FUN AND LAUGHS IN THE GARDENS!

This is what doing yard and garden work should be about – fun! There are only 2 reasons, I believe, for having an outdoor space: 1) To grow your own food, 2) A place you go to for relaxation and enjoyment.

garden fun-claymation

My parents used to have a great saying “you play, you pay”, which seems to fit almost any/every situation. None more so than your own personal outdoor space. You want something that, on your worst days, you can go to for your own personal karmic relief. A place that you (or with a bit of help from others) created and that you are content and proud to be in.

So, for my new year – and I hope yours – why don’t we try making it more fun? We all have to pull weeds somewhere, at some time – why not use that time to take you’re your frustrations?

pulling weeds

Beat the snot out of them – rip them out of the ground – or do it an easy way as my friend does…grab a pair of old scissors (make sure they are long), grab a shady hat or maybe you have a portable umbrella setup for shade, load a few of your favorite drinks in a small cooler, sit down by the area you want to attack, and begin: With gloves on (because she is allergic to some of them), she holds a weed up to accurately locate the base of it, maneuvers her scissors down the shaft into the ground and SNIP – it’s gone! Now this may seem a bit unusual, but she has a very valid reason to her madness. She stops the weed without bothering the good plants she has near it.

silly weed

Now, step back for a minute and think about this! She did not disturb the roots of the good growers. She stopped the weed from getting any sun and/or water. Yes, it will come back – but not for quite a while. This relaxed method also gave her several moments of peace and contentment. All she heard was distant sounds and, once done, she sat back and was proud at what she had accomplished. I was in awe of her great natural gardening discovery! So I tried it! It was wonderful!

If you have to be out there doing the nasty with the weeds anyway, why not enjoy it? Why torture your back or shoulders with wrestling with the monsters, when you can use that same time – with less energy – as a type of “Zen” experience? Become ONE with the butterfly (appreciate the Monarch if you see it – endangered species) and all the fun things in your space!

monarch on a plant

So, this is my major New Year Resolution – to make it all more fun and enjoyable. I hope you will too!

THE BEST NEW YEAR RESOLUTION – AND ITS NOT ABOUT DIETING?

/ helbergfarmstories / 5 Comments

So. Had a wonderful white Christmas (sorry to all you Easterners – but I guess you all had enough last year to hold you over this year at least?!), and I began to ponder about 2016 – as you do. This is what I came up with…

My 2016 resolutions:

  1. LAUGH MORE.

smiling kitten

2. LAUGH OFTEN.

smiling goose

3.LAUGH WITH FRIENDS

smiling puppies

4. LAUGH AT SELF (don’t take things too serious, life is too short)

laughing panda

5. SMILE “HUGE” AT PEOPLE I DON’T KNOW.

smile sheep

6. IF THINGS GET ROUGH – REFER TO RESOLUTION #1.

laughing horse

A lot of you may dismiss this as being too simple and common place – WRONG!

Stop what you are doing right now and think back to this past year. This will only take a moment or two, as most of us cannot remember what we did yesterday (yep – happens to us all!). Can you remember any time you laughed so hard you had tears coming out? How about partying with friends and laughing so hard you had to run to the bathroom (been there, done that way too many times! Hee hee). If you don’t remember doing it this last year, something major is wrong in your life!

smile dog-full teeth

How about sharing a huge – teeth showing- smile/grin at a total stranger? Maybe at a checkout line at a store, or passing through the door of a quick stop place? What about a simple “hi” to someone you do not know – with a polite smile of course? Did you do any of these? Do you remember doing any of these? If not, you are missing out on something Colossal!!

  •  It does NOT cost you anything.
  • It doesn’t hurt to do it (no, really it doesn’t hurt to smile – ok, ok, if you have been a grumpy Gus, you may be a bit rusty and the laugh lines might be a bit stiff and creaky, but it really won’t hurt! HONEST!!).
  • Anyone and everyone can do it.
  • Guaranteed to make your day a bit nicer – oh, and someone else’s too.

smiling baby pig

 

 

 

WOW – WHAT AN AMAZING NEW THING WE HAVE FOUND!

/ helbergfarmstories / 6 Comments

Nope, it’s not a dragon.  However, one would be welcome here- LOL.

Nope it’s not a unicorn, but around here it is just as rare to see.

It is the Yellow-bellied Sapsucker (No – it’s not a strange creation in Looney Toons, it is real) was my gift this time!

yellow-bellied woodpecker-male.png  yellow-bellied woodpecker-female

I know some (ok most) of you are laughing at my minor miracle, however, you need to realize that it is the simple little things in life I treasure the most!  Relaxing in the living room, knitting up a pair of Christmas Bronco socks for my sister, I happened to look up and out the window and there they were!  Not just one but 3 – 1 male and 2 females.  I love sneaking a peeks at the trees out front while I knit.

We have a new huge picture window right smack dab in the middle of the east wall which faces the front yard.  There is a sad pine tree that managed to survive the fire and it has a bird feeder hanging in it, which is usually loaded with sparrows (not the cute Johnny Depp/Jack Sparrow kind).  Next to the large picture window, to the north, is a smaller window.  This one gives me a great view of a tree that has not been doing well (the Elm’s in this territory fall apart at the wave of a hand, so the winds we have had are beating the snot out of them), it is very old but is still hanging in there.  This time of year there are no leaves on it which aided in my great view of the new visitors.

We see Blue Jays every winter.  Chickadees, and the occasional Downey Woodpecker.  But these 3 were brand new.  I/we have been here 15+ years now, and they have never graced us with their presence until now.  Just before the fire, Red-Headed Woodpeckers showed up.  I thought they were extinct – but obviously not.  They are still around – yeah!  I now have an ear-to-ear smile while I am telling you this story.

bluejay

Chickadee Flicker

I love birds and bird watching.  It is a simple way for me to feel great joy.  Unfortunately, I am usually without camera when I spot them.  I even have a couple of binoculars placed in certain spots in the house to get a better view at the woods fields.  However, I never fail to miss a good photo shoot – darn it!!??!!  So, until I become a better photographer (I am trying friends -wish me luck!), I will continue to be a spectator in their wonderful world of flight and color.  I also pledge to continue to feed the birds, and hope you will too!  (P.S. A lot of them help me to destroy the bad bugs in the gardens and yards – BONUS – WOOO HOOO!!)

I WAS SHOCKED AND AMAZED – WAS I IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE?

/ helbergfarmstories / 4 Comments

I hate shopping! There, I admitted it. If I can’t get to the store by 5 a.m., I don’t want to go. The reason is simple enough – rude angry people. Not just the customers, but the store employees too. When you go really, really early; you usually find a lot fewer people and most of them will smile (part of this may be that we know we are all idiots getting up extra early just to get to the store). However, this time of year is the worst.

Well, I was completely taken aback yesterday at the mega store (yes it is one of the big chain stores). I couldn’t go until after 10 a.m. because I had to pick up my meds, so I just waited to take care of the whole dreaded thing at one time. My visit started with the normal long wait at the Pharmacy, but while I was standing there I was actually joking with the clerk – AND SHE WAS LAUGHING WITH ME!!??

Then, I turned to continue my store assault – defenses up – but there was this guy – also laughing with us. I smiled and cautiously skated around him since I believed him to be not of sound mind. Joining in a humorous moment at a store – don’t be ridiculous!

I proceeded with fear into the children toy area. My safety mechanism’s on full alert owing to the fact that this is just before Christmas. Once again I was taken aback, other customers in the area were responding to my “hi with a smile” back – with the same! I was beginning to feel like I was in a strange episode of The Twilight Zone (for you younger readers – Google it, worth checking into the videos/stories).

twilight zone

(Click on the pic and it will take you to my fav episode – the night of the meek)

Then the most bizarre of all. I was looking for replacement ink cartridges in the electronics department, and an employee approached me with a smile and said “Can I help you find something?” Okay now I was really getting scared – someone actually appeared out of nowhere to help me – I didn’t have to go hunt them down?? I explained to her what I was looking for and the shelf where it is supposed to be was empty, to which she replied, “I think we may have gotten some in, wait here for a moment please and I will look in the back.” I just stood there looking at her in disbelief. I may have shaken my head in agreement but, in all truth, I don’t remember.

dont panic

NOW WAIT A MINUTE – I’m in a large chain store. It is just before Christmas. I am in one of the worst departments of this store during this time of year. And an employee just appeared out of nowhere, requested to help me, and is even going to check the back room stock? I’VE BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS – I KNEW IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN SOME DAY!!! Eeeekkk!!

I couldn’t move. I found I was staring at the numerous TV’s on the wall in a daze and a customer went by me, smiled and actually said “Merry Christmas!” I smiled back and returned the phrase, but I was also pinching my hand now, sure that I was dead. Ouch, nope.

The helpful employee actually came back – and with my ink and another boxed set in hand. She said she found both, and since the set I on sail this week, she thought (yep THOUGHT) I might want it instead.   I could feel tears of amazement welling up as I politely thanked her for her efforts and took the boxed deal from her hand.

I went through the rest of the store, doing my usual round of shopping and encountering more of the same…smile’s, HI’s, Merry Christmas’s , all kinds of people being polite and courteous. I even went to check out and had a little older man and women pull up in line behind me, and I did my usually “You only have a few things, please go first” – and they thanked me?!?

When I was completely done, car packed and sitting in the front seat getting ready to start the car; I pondered the last few hours (yes, it takes me from 2-4 hours to shop now – another big reason for hating it!). I started my car and proceeded to pull back, but admit that I was not completely paying attention – but another driver was. I was looking over my shoulder to the right backing up and, when I came back to the left to check, she was sitting there – patiently smiling and waving me to continue, it was safe!

smile teacup pig

I drove down the aisle to the end and paused. There were no other vehicles coming or even near me, so I took a moment to contemplate the last few hours. It was a Christmas Miracle! Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Clause. Yes, wishing on a shooting star makes your dreams come true. Yes, there are angels watching over us. And yes, people can be nice, and polite, and decent to one-another. No matter what ugliness maybe in the news, and no matter what I may have experienced in the past; this was the wondrous thing I had been wishing to see. So I send out a huge THANK YOU to the universe for restoring my faith in the human part of humanity!

Merry Christmas to all!