Humor

What’s better than wild skies and Barry White?

/ helbergfarmstories / 2 Comments

Doing my normal early morning routine of weeding (non-stop physical activity, like it or not, it has to be done), and I happened to glance to the west.  This is what I saw:

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The camera just doesn’t do them justice.  The clouds looked like upside-down rolling mountains.  Now this is a first for me.  I have seen some outstanding clouds out here in Colorado.  I’m pretty sure that being up in altitude as some part in it, but these were so different.

We have some major storms coming in again this afternoon, so I am keeping an eye on them.  Just thankful that I looked up at the moment I did.  Now it is just getting all dark, windy and the clouds are back to their normal swirling confusion of:

  • Let’s go this way.
  • No, we want to go that way. 
  • We just want to be ahead of everyone else. 
  • Maybe we will just stop and hold every cloud up!

Then, just as I thought I was really getting into them (Completely spaced out the weeding now.), I heard Barry White on my radio (yes, I garden with music – the plants told me they love it!).  I began singing along with You’re The First, The Last, My Everything.

Then the peacock decided to come up and join me (pretty sure it was NOT my singing).

peacock 2014

You can tell by his feathers that the wind was not being kind.  He was trying to face me.  He thinks he is so pretty – snob!

The wind then took my bucket full of weed bits and tossed it across the yard.  I took that as a hint to sit, observe my space (so much yet to do, and I’m pretty sure it will still be there tomorrow), continue my duet with Barry and call it quits on weeding today.

Hope my happy gardening spreads to you all.  What’s the point of having one if you can’t enjoy it?!

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ATTACK OF THE HOARDS OF GREEN THINGYS!

/ helbergfarmstories / 7 Comments

I have not been able to keep up with my stories to you; spring has sprung at last! With that being said, here is part of my “to-do” list and my reason for worry about the green thingys:

1.FIND THE FRONT YARD (looks kinda like Where’s Waldo – hee hee, there is a cat in there somewhere?!)! This one is first as foremost as it is where we get to sit back and enjoy a day’s job well done. The non-stop rains we have had, along with our outstandingly perfect temps have made everything green and alive GO NUTS!

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(yes, the wind finally took out the play set-however- it will be recycled into a tree fort)
2.Get the corn in. Ok, I know all you farmers/gardeners out there are growling at me – yes it is about a month late! Again, our great spring weather this year has not been cooperative. If I had planted it when I wanted, it would have frozen out (several deep freezes since mid-April).

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(yes, there are plots here, just can’t see them.  I will post when done to show the difference.)

3. Build the new PVC Climber structure.  A couple of months ago I found a great structure.  When I asked around for plans, no one knew.  So I dug deeper and actually found the creator.  He said he did not have any plans (he just winged it – eek, lol – I do that all the time!), but he did have the sizes of PVC that he used.  That was at least a start.  Well, I have spent the last couple months creating plans.  Now I just need to get to Home Depot and get the parts.  It needs to go up asap as we want a ton of things on it this year.  Everything from cucs to melons.  We also hope to get it growing thick enough that we can set up some mid and late season cooler weather crops inside of it – wish us luck on this one!

4. Mowing, trimming, and more mowing.  We have gone from 40 degrees and straight rain (not normal for Colorado), to 75+ and full sun (this is normal) overnight.  This is going to be a non-stop thing for right now anyway.  I just mowed the main areas last weekend, and they need it again already (again not normal)!  Thank goodness my sister was smart, and we finally broke down and got a riding lawn tractor with a wagon.  It has been my “body saver” – literally!  With osteoarthritis sneak attacking my joints, just getting up and down in entertaining.  The right shoulder was so disintegrated that it needed a full reverse replacement.  The joint is metal and plastic, and if I pull or push too hard, it pops out of socket – NOW THERES A FUN TRIP!?!  Then I am laid up until it decides to go back in.  I did find that if I put ice on it, lay flat on a floor or bed, and relax (now there’s the trick when you are in excruciating pain); it will usually slide back in.  Then the jerky thing acts like nothing happened at all – instant no pain.  Go figure?
5. strong>Clean up and prep the rest of the garden plots (outside) and get those seeds going. We are working on the weedless gardening method this year, so it takes longer to get prepped.  The hope is that once we have it going, there will be much less weeding in future years – we hope!?!

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6. Trim up trees and get the suckers root starting in hopes to transplant into new areas – increase our tree and bush populations.  We have spice bushes popping up all over the place (normal), want to put in a bunch for wind blocking in appropriate areas.

So, this is just a fraction of my actual to-do list.  Growing up on an 80-acre farm in Wisconsin, I knew it is a non-stop job.  But this year there seems to be a ton of extras to be done.  First is most definitely the front yard – have to have that relaxing resting spot before all else!

(Oh – FYI – my list is up to #50 and still growing – ouch – all spring, summer and fall projects – JOY!)

relax frog w drink

 

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Is Your Sky Like This?

/ helbergfarmstories / 2 Comments

When I was younger, growing up in Wisconsin was a fun time. One of our favorite things to do was to go out to the pig house and watch the night sky.

The pig house was simply a small structure where the pigs went for shade. There were holes for windows and a door, but no glass or wood blocking them. When we were tall enough (For me that was a big deal. My father loved to quote the Jetsons dog “rook at da rimp” when picking on me – shortest of all, and still am.), we couldn’t wait to climb up on top of the shack, lay back, and watch the sunset, until the stars come out. It was perfect!

We could see the Northern Lights when they were out. Excellent place to view several fireworks shows at one time. Great for sneaking a peek at wildlife wandering through our fields (we had a river and a pond, so everyone came for drinks).

Well, I just received an email from one of my fav sites: Earthsky.com. This time in their list of articles is one titled: How to see the legendary green flash. Green flash? I have heard of the Green Hornet, and Green Lantern but just who is the Green Flash? Oh, silly me, it’s not a person but an occurrence.

green flash in the sky

Apparently some places are going to be lucky enough tonight (5/16/16) to see this wondrous thing. I know for a fact that we won’t, as there is nothing but clouds, rain and cool temps for the next 2 to 3 days (boo hoo!).  Oh, and then there is the mountains.  So, to those of you that are lucky – I hope you will share any photos or videos of this that you might get?!

I love watching the stars at night, clouds passing on a warm summer day, and most anything that has to do with looking up. (Yes, I still find shapes in the stars too! Teaching my grandson how to enjoy them this way.) Think this is an excellent way to view life – looking up.

cloud pics - frong

Do you see the frog?

 
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WHEN I GET AROUND TO IT

/ helbergfarmstories / 3 Comments

My mother had a quick, fantastic wit!  Fortunately, her three daughters carry on the tradition.  I (to this day) am always saying, “When I get around to it.” “As soon as I can get around to it.”  Well, my mother (bless her soul) took this very literally one year for Christmas.  She liked to go “junking” for Christmas gifts…2nd hand stores, flea markets, and whatever little side street hidden treasure spot she could find.  She found these during one of her excursions:

ROUNDTOITS

Not the rod ends but the old wooden circle thingies to hang your curtain on.  (This pic is from Ebay because mine were lost in the fire.)  These old round beauties are exactly what I saw when I opened the box.

She placed them in a nice old wooden bowl that she also found on one of her junking trips.  Inside the bowl, on top of the wooden circles was a card (like a business card) that simply stated:

Now you cannot say when you get a “roundtoit,” here is a whole bowl full of them.  Hope you get your projects done at last.  Love Mom

My Christmas gift was the highlight of the season that year.

I just wanted to share this little tidbit with you so that you will never let that phrase escape your head again (sharing is caring!).  I still say it.  I have heard tons of younger people say it.  I am sure that most of you have said, or will say it.  However, you now cannot avoid the physical implications of putting something off for the sake of not having a roundtoit anymore.

Aahhh, one of the life’s great lessons shared with the world – enjoy!

Minion mom quote

(From my Pinterest board: Just for fun and smiles)

Pretty sure I need a new HUGE bowl full of them now! 

When I get around to it. LOL

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I’VE GOT A DREAM…

/ helbergfarmstories / 11 Comments

I have been having this on-going dream/fantasy of the “great escape!”  I love our farm, but sometimes it would be great if we could just do a mini-vacation.  I’m thinking of some type of 3-day to 1-week away session.  The biggest concern with these thoughts is my grandson.  He is only 7 and has some issues and a very traumatic life so far.  We try to keep the consistency going, so trips of any kind can throw him off whack.

Well, in going through my dream, I have come up with a thought that will not leave my head – – – an RV or conversion van!  Ta-da!

Ok, now let’s hear it!  There must be someone out there that has done this and has opinions?  I need to hear them all – pro and con, please.  This thought will not leave my head.  I learned long ago that when you have something that keeps tickling at the back of your brain, it’s a hint that you should follow through with that idea.

I’m thinking something like this:

dream van

But since we will be renting it, pretty sure I would get stuck with more like this:

trashed van

Not bad, just not right.  My grandson is a computer-aholic, ADHD wizard.  We must be able to provide that mental stimulation while on the road.  Thought about rigging a cattle prod under his seat and when he gets too wild, give him a little jolt.  Then I realized that someone might consider that child abuse, so that and the pet carrier are out.  (yes, I am just kidding – more laughter this year remember?)

beeker eeek

So I am now open for suggestions, please!  We are looking at everything from Mesa Verde to upper Michigan for our trips.  Could be a 3 to 4-day extended weekend, or possibly 7-10-day week long trip.  Please share with me what you find as “great family fun” in your neck-of-the-woods.  I’m need help here people (sometimes it’s really tough being an old fart – hee hee)!  The only stipulation I have is that it must be drivable (sorry, no flying for this gardener – love my feet on the ground too much).

 

 

 

 

HOLY HAVEN BATMAN!

/ helbergfarmstories / 5 Comments

Being a small, natural, farmer/gardener – I dig any ideas that call for more greenery. I was doing my normal Monday morning email reading and came across this article: Want to fight crime in the city? Plant a tree by Jenn Savedge. The only thing that I could add is – what took so long to figure this out?

MORE GREENERY = MORE HAPPY CAMPERS – AMAZING!

Earthday 4-22

Our little farm gives us so many great things:

  • Dirt – even with the weeds I love playing in it! The feel, the smell and the way it takes so little to keep it healthy are all brilliant bodily benefits.
  • Greenery – trees, bushes, fruit, veggies, grass, weeds all of it – there is something so peaceful about working a garden or lawn. Nothing like being physical and not knowing it.
  • Smell – especially after a heavy rain (like what we just had – sorry Midwest, we only got the rain here.) everything smells outstanding. The flowers scents are feathering in the gentle breeze; nothing shouts spring finer than that when opening a window!
  • Critters – and lots of them. I’m not talking the pet dog or cat; I’m talking the bees, butterflies, dragonflies, ladybugs, and my favorite – praying mantis, just to name a few.
  • Twitter-painted – hee hee, this one I think is favorite of all. In spring, everything is greening up, and not just the humans are affected by it. I hear the frogs finally popping out down in our pond. The birds (domestic and wild) all chasing each other around vying for the attention of a mate. The insects are all at it also, but there are some out here that prefer to eat their mate after hooking up – eeek!?!

(So sad, the poor male mantis is much smaller and brown in color – and she will take him out!)

I believe that everyone has some level of farmer/gardener in them. My elder sister has a brown thumb, and she announces it regularly as not to receive any plants as gifts (Makes her sad to see them die – lol). She loves to sit on their back patio, it is her “greenery space”, just as long as she does not have to do anything more than sit there and enjoy it. We (3 sisters) all grew up together on our 80-acre farm in Wisconsin, but somehow she missed inheriting the farmer gene (not to be confused with farmer jeans- of which she can handle quite well.)

I also believe that there is something inherently deep inside of all of us that naturally makes us feel calmer and more content when we are in a garden, lying on a lawn, or just sitting under a tree. I took a cell phone quickie just before the storm of my honeysuckle (one of my most fav birthday present years ago).

Honeysuckel 5-15-16

We put up the vinyl fence all around the front yard last year. Didn’t think about it at the time, but several plants became shaded where they were not before, or too much sun reflected and over-heated others. Well, everyone survived, and my beauty is coming back great guns this spring! She (of course she’s a “she” – tough, can tolerate a lot, and looks stunning in full dress – LOL!) is popping out new leaves everywhere and they are so full and healthy looking. I am thrilled! I had little more to do with her beauty than plant her and make sure she was taken care of (food, water, etc.) – and look how much she does for me!

The blooms are outstanding and, since it is right off the east porch, we get that outstanding smell whenever the wind blows in from the east

With Earth Day coming up this week, I can think of no better way to thank Mother Nature then to plant more greenery! Hope you all join me and remember – A Healthy Garden is a Happy Garden!

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TO WHOM DO I OWE THIS ROTTEN “MANEUVER?”

/ helbergfarmstories / 4 Comments

Yes, it is a maneuver (For anyone that has ever watched Eddie Izzard stand-up comedy – this is perfectly stated here)! Someone somewhere has decreed that you must gain weight back quickly after it has cost you great time, pain, and effort to get it off! Jerks!!

I do not normally give a flying monkey butt about what people think about me or the way I look. I have fun!! When I dig in the dirt, I get dirty. When I clean the house, I get dusty. When I build or tear apart something for the farm, I get hot and (yes girls) sweaty. You would think that with all of that going on I would be the size of a twig – Nooot!

It is my birthday today! I now have the following:

  • Right shoulder – complete reverse replacement.
  • Left shoulder – gut/clean-up for bone spurs.
  • Right and left shoulder both – front tendons cut due to arthritis pulling them too far forward. (can lift things to a point, not as much weight and not at a certain angle – unfortunately, coffee pots are at the angle so now it takes two hands for my morning boost – boo hoo!)
  • Both knees – complete replacements.
  • Half my left foot – replaced with a metal plate, pins and joints.
  • All of the above due to osteoarthritis – oh lucky me!

Oops, almost forgot

  • Left index finger – half amputated from a severe infection (never try this one at home kiddies). The only bummers with this one are my typing (used to be over 100 wpm, not no more) and my yarn work (though this part is sometimes fun to watch – pick up the yarn with your left index finger and maneuver it over the needle – ya right?!). Luckily can still dig in the dirt!

All of the stuff bulleted above happened within a 1-year time and began just a couple months after our fire loss of 2014. Oddly enough, I am in a happy, happy, joy, joy mood today – what’s up with that?

peanuts happy dance

Before all of this hit, I had lost over 40 pounds doing physically hard work and my new jobs, which was the biggest thrill of doing them! It took over two years to get it down that much.

Well, I thought I was smart (idiot!), having the left foot done as soon as I was able to tolerate the left knee pain, but was semi-bed ridden for 3+ months for healing time. I was not allowed to put ANY pressure on the foot at all. I tried crutches – oops, not that coordinated (help, I fell and couldn’t get up because I couldn’t stop laughing at myself on the floor), then bought a “knee scooter” – BEST INVENTION EVER!!!

knee scooter

(you can see why he just had to fly around the house on it -p.s. love the basket!)

I got pretty good at the end of my 2nd month at whipping around on that hummer – weeee! My grandson loved it too, except he could actually sit on it and ride it around. Didn’t care until I needed to go to the bathroom, then somehow it was always out-of-reach? (little bugger!)

During this “down time,” I managed to gain back all the weight I worked so hard on getting off. My big question here is – why? I tried hard to watch what I ate, but the body decided it just did not like the idea of me lazin around.

It was a painfully long haul maneuvering (there’s that word again-grr), the metal and plastic parts. One of the first dumbest stunts was opening a door too fast and too far back! Swung that sucker wide and popped my right shoulder right out of socket – now doesn’t that just look pretty??!!! It sticks out like a 2nd head popping out of my shoulder. Can you say OUCH! Oh and here’s the other kicker – it doesn’t just “pop” back in – nooooo – I have to maneuver it around – gently – to get it to slide back in. Hard lesson learned real fast! (my father would be proud – “you dumb shit” – flew out of my mouth instantly, for those of you that don’t know, it was his pet name for me – and yes, I am laughing hysterically writing this!)

shoulder reverse replacement

(hee hee – picture that plate sliding right off that ball toward your chest – “dumb shit!” – LOL)

Yes, Mo (my outstanding Therapist, and he even knows how to guilt me like a dad – lol), I am doing my therapy! However, with two years of neglected gardens screaming at me, I can’t wait for my mess to heal. Throw on my shorts, head sweat band, grab my tools and to the gardens I go! I think I have subconsciously taught myself to watch how much I pick up, how I pick it up and how I maneuver (that wonderful “m” word once again attacks). So me, my metal and plastic parts, my wrinkles, and lightly graying hairs hope you all have such fun birthdays as this! (Oh, and it’s raining with a chance of snow – grr!)

cake silly face

 

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IF IT’S GREEN, IS IT LUCKY FOR THE GARDNER?

/ helbergfarmstories / 5 Comments

I love getting, what I like to call, left-field information! This is the stuff that you would not normally dig up, or even think to dig up. Such is the case of a recent email from my family – – -“ April 20th, 2016 will be a night of the “GREEN MOON”…this appearance only happens about every 420 years and will only last about 90 minutes.”

green moon

So, being the OCD researcher that I am, I went digging for more information and found this on the earthsky.org website:

There are several versions this (completely untrue) story, and we’ve gotten many questions about it from within our community, from people wanting to know if it’s true. Here’s the main version: the moon will appear green for the first time in 420 years on April 20, 2016. True? No, not even kinda. Snopes called it:

… entirely humorous in nature.

And it is pretty funny when you think about April 20 (4-20) and 420 years, and realize that 420 is a code word for marijuana (invented, according to Urban Dictionary, by “dozen pot-smoking wiseacres” at San Rafael High School in 1971) and that the date April 20 has special meaning to some as Weed Day.

All of that notwithstanding, many appear to be taking April 20, 2016, green moon literally.

And we repeat … it’s not true.

pot moon

Sad but true – it’s not real – boo hoo hoo! I love watching the moon, especially on a perfect fall evening. The crispness in the air, maybe a distant owl hooting, calm (or no) breeze, the smells of the fading harvest starting to diminish, and that big glowing moon up above. We have a couple of fire pits so, of course, at least one would be crackling. It feels like my younger camping out days, but now with the modern conveniences (mainly indoor toilets – what a relief! – yes, pun intended, sorry.)

I have seen bright white ones, ones that appeared so HUGE that you could almost reach out and touch it. Blood moons (ahh, brings out that little-hidden witch in me – hee hee), Blue moons, and, of course, Circle moons.

Blood Moon   Blue Moon

Circle moons are the type of which my mother would swear a storm was coming soon. She has me watching for it to this day. If you have a big bright moon, bright enough with all the right conditions to bring on what looks like an outer ring around it – that is your circle moon. Now check and see if there are any stars in that space between the moon and its outer circle. Count the number of starts and that is supposed to be the number of days until your storm. See – left field information – gotta love it!

Circle Moon

Silly me forgot to check it last night. According to actual weather people, we are in for a wild one over the next several (yep – several) days. It is supposed to dump two months of wet on us in just a few days. Not real sure how I want to take that. We can always use more moisture here. Since all the spring sprouting is going on, it may be perfect timing. Then again, with the weird winters we have had, (and they hint this may hold snow in it) this could be the totally wrong time of year for a wicked freeze. Not really unusual here, just another year of bad timing on Mother Nature’s part.

So my Fellow Dirt Dwellers, hang around for a few days, and I will share with you what messes we can get into. Hope for at least a few puddles to jump in when it’s all over and the sun comes back?!

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JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE – BAM!

/ helbergfarmstories / 2 Comments

Flowers showing,

Grasses growing,

Tuesday warm and sunny!

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Then the beastie,

Blew in gusty,

Took sun out – not funny!

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Ten straight hours,

Blizzard snow showers,

No trace of life to be seen.

 

The next morning at eight,

Sun broke thru the gate,

Leaving all white and no green.

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But, Colorado this is,

Sun, rain, hail and blizz,

No worries ere last long here.

 

One day is seventies,

The next is thirties,

Just keep your snow shovel near!

The End.

Or The Beginning?

                                Sincerely,

                                The Bad Poets Society

– LOL-

 

 

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IT’S OFFICIALLY SPRING, BUT WHO INVITED THESE GUYS ALREADY?

/ helbergfarmstories / 7 Comments

We spend the weekend cleaning up the yard.  I say weekend, but it was really just Sunday.  Everything we touched on Saturday, just blew somewhere else.  (Some days I get really tired of the wind – grrr!  Sure, now-but in a couple of months I will be praying for a breeze – LOL!)  While cleaning up, I was not even thinking about all the “little critters” I was messing with.  They decided to remind me! 

This was on my hallway wall when I woke up:

1st moth in house 3-7-16

Our first Miller Moth – oh joy (she says sarcastically)!  I have extremely thick kinky hair and the buggers love to get stuck in it!  Nothing makes you say yuck faster than hearing the crunching of trying to get one untangled from your head – ugh!

I had placed all my dusty/dirty clothes into the wash last night.  I knew I was kicking up some old weeds when I was mowing some spots, but I just didn’t realize how many bugs I was scaring up as well.  One of these was at the bottom of my washer when the load was done:

soldier bug      stink bug         squash bug

Soldier Bug – good             Stink Bug – BAD                   Squash Bug – BAD

 

stink bug-look-a-likes

I say one of these, as it was so mushed from the wash that I couldn’t tell which type it was?  The first – Soldier Bug – is a goodie, but hard to tell from the Stink Bug (baddie).  The Squash Bug (also a baddie) has a completely different look but, when it is mush in your Kleenex, looks the same as the others (yucky!!)

The Soldier bug is also called a “Spinney” soldier bug, and it does look a lot more jagged than its counterpart, the stink bug.  Oh, and if you have ever had the unfortunate opportunity to get nailed by a Stink Bug, you will understand why it is named that – NASTY!  It is definitely a very different smell – blah!

My point for you all to ponder is – was it dead or alive before it went into the wash?  I have seen tons of Box Elder Beetles, a few flies, wasps, honey bees (this one is normal as we have boxes that stay on our property year around – think it helps to bring them out early?), and just yesterday a Ladybug!  I just didn’t think these three bugs would be out until it actually got warmer and stayed (like maybe June – haha, wishful thinking)?

So I have already started my “natural bug defense training” on my other blog,  www.gardenglowsbydesign.com/blog.  My plan on that one is to figure out which are the worst bugs out there, and how many different natural ways there are to either keep them at bay or destroy them all together.  We are a live-and-let-live kinda farm, but offense is the best defense.  So, ugly nasties beware – I am on the hunt for you all this year!

me fighting bad bugs (And yes – I do look like this when I am chasing down bad bugs in the gardens! LOL)