I have a 5-year Q&A journal that I purchased just after the fire.  I did this mainly out of fun.  I have a regular journal that I track major stuff in, but this one narrows things down to a simple singular question.  This was for today: Are you seeking excitement or contentment?

Since this mini book records several years in a row, I found it interesting that the last two years I was excited about things.  Things that, to date, really have not come to pass (bummed a bit on that one).  However, now I find that I am seeking contentment more than excitement.

Too many things, good and bad, have happened over a very short period of time.  I have learned, once again, to appreciate all that I do have.  I also appreciate the things I can still do.  Maybe this has made me mellow as I age (eeek-really hope not)?  I prefer to be content with the things I have, the people I share things with, and the way things are in general.

I am learning not to be so upset by things I cannot control (we will NOT get into politics in here!), but working on things that I can control.  The hardest issue yet to work on is “time” – it’s still a bugger for me.

I used to live by the watch on my wrist, which is pretty sad if you think about it.  There was nothing else to let me know what I was doing except that watch and my day timer.  No cel phones, no ipads or tablets, not even laptops (they didn’t come out till much later).

I remember the first computer I ever used (and fell in love with) was the old punch-card type (for those that do not know what I am talking about: check out these pics!)  That and typewriters got me hooked on keyboards, but they did not keep my schedule.

I no longer have a watch.  The fire took what I did have, and then my cel phone just slowly seemed to sneak in and replace it (my new “monster” inanimate object).  I just keep alarms now.  They go off with all kinds of different noises when I need to do or be aware of something.  Being a writer at heart, I still keep a physical pen-and-ink day timer.  I find something comforting in paper and pen things.

Then again, it may just be because I am addicted to these things worse than a drug addict (yes, I am positive on this!).  I CANNOT walk past a stationary store or section of a store without checking it out.  I physically and mentally have to keep telling myself – “Walk on – no you have enough and don’t need another!”  I also have issues with the crafting areas.

This leads me back to the contentment in life again.  With time constantly slipping through my hands,

I try to focus on the things that really matter to me now.  My family, our critters, and gardens, the farm, and all my personal passions.  I have no need for huge social affairs anymore.  I prefer a comfortable get-together with a bunch of good friends.  I look forward to a moment of peace which is, unfortunately, few and far between.  My excitement now is only produced when I complete a crafting project for a family member of loved one.

I don’t think this is an age thing.  I think it is deeper than that.  We hunt all of our lives for peace.  We seek out like-minded individuals so we don’t have to be continually on the lookout.  I will always look to improve whatever I can for whomever I can but, all-in-all, I am content!

 

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