humor

What Is That Doing There?

/ helbergfarmstories / 6 Comments

My Grandson is brilliant!  Ok, on most days.  However, he was helping me weed, and I stepped in to check something and here this “Grandma come look?”  I couldn’t drop what I was doing so I just asked him to wait a minute – my mistake (ok, now in retrospect, maybe this is my fault??!!).

He comes prancing in all excited, “I found a ladybug flower!”  I quickly (now I’m still not looking at him) correct him, “No Honey, you mean a ladybug ON a flower.”  He then instantly shoved the flower in my face and said: “NO – It’s a Ladybug Flower!”  I’ll be darned; he was right:

6-15-ladybug poppie 4 Front Side

6-15-ladybug poppie backside  Back Side

Now the really weird part – WE DO NOT GROW THESE? LMAO!!  I was shocked (and that doesn’t often happen anymore) – “Where did you find this and why did you pull it out by the root?”

He said he had to show me it, and that is why he pulled it (luckily it came up root and all).  Here is where it came from:

6-15-16 where ladybug flower pulled

In the corner between these three bricks- I still can’t figure it out?  However, I quickly put the plant in a tall glass put in about a teaspoon of sugar and a touch of root starter.  I’ll be darned – it’s still growing:

poppie still growing

It has three more pods getting ready to open?!  Now the true test:  I have heard that you cannot transplant poppies.  I have a perfect spot I want to put it in outside (hope it will flourish and have babies – hee hee), so I’m gonna shove it in the ground, give it some good top soil and see what happens.  Wish me luck – it’s just too pretty to let die!  And “ladybug flower” was just too cute!

 

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Can You See Me Now?

/ helbergfarmstories / 6 Comments

It was a warm spring evening (have to start this like some weird scary novel).  My sister and I were enjoying our relaxing moment when we spotted it!  Then we spotted “them” and ran to investigate further.

So you see it?

HB moth 2 6-10-16.jpg

They move like a stealth fighter. Fast, bobbing, weaving, one moment there, the next gone.  Here is a better shot:

HB moth 1 6-10-16

A Hummingbird Moth – actually two of them on this honeysuckle bush.  We spotted them just as the sun was disappearing, at first we thought, it was a hummingbird.  But it is a bit early for those cuties.  So this was pretty cool.  It was really hard to get these pics since they dart about so.  My sister said I should just sit still on the ground by them.  I was covered in dirt and filthy from working in the gardens all day, and my shirt alone looked like this:

my filthy shirt 6-10-16

So I did, and it worked.  Guess you have to look and smell like a plant before they will sit fairly still for a photo opp?

Oh, and F.Y.I. – I like wearing oversized men’s tee shirts in the summer, but I have to pin up the neckline, or everything goes down the shirt (weeds, dirt, bugs you name it).  So this is what you are seeing.  No time to sew, just pin it and it works.  In a couple of months I will have torn and trashed this shirt to the point of no return, so no biggy.  AND – no I am not a neat prissy gardener!  I get down and dirty into it.  My good bugs like me this way.

Happy Spring Gardening!

 

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Grandma, Why Do You Walk So Funny?

/ helbergfarmstories / 3 Comments

Out of the mouth of babes, Grandma, why do you walk funny? (It should be noted that he is now mimicking me – I want to growl, but started laughing instead – little jerk! LOL) Since he has ADHD, and since he thinks computer games are way better than gardening; I decided to show him in pictures:

This:

dried footer

Became this:

DSCF5135  DSCF5121

And now is this:

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This:

rasp before 6-5-16.jpg

Became this:

raspberry row after 6-4-16

This and so much more was all done with the help of things like this:

my R shoulder xray-after.jpg 

Several great doctors, modern technology, and some really strong metal and plastic parts (hope I don’t rust – hee hee).

Before the new body parts, I could not lift my right arm without my left arm’s help.  Both knees were sitting bone-on-bone (cartilage totally gone in both), and one foot had bones that shattered as my beautiful doctor tried to fix it (and NO – none of them were named – Frankenstein).  The other foot is yet to be determined, but it is useable on most days, so I’m ok for now.

On good days, I walk upright.  On fun days, I walk like the Hunchback of Notre Dame (of course, then I have to chase him around the yard yelling “Where’s my bell?  Give me my bell?” with a lisp of course.)

So, my answer to my grandson is – I HAVE EARNED IT!

My walk came hand-in-hand over time just like my wrinkles.  The real answer is: just too much fun growing up, so now I pay the piper.  With any luck, by the time everything gives out, I will have it all completely replaced and then have a great excuse for not knowing who that lady is in the mirror!  He is only seven, so he didn’t get the joke.  It was too hard to explain why I couldn’t stop laughing at this point, so I just tickled him for a while.

Then I proceed to tell him all about the reasons why Grandma is so silly all the time – but that is a whole other story.

goofy frankenstein

 

 
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By George, I Think We Got It – Maybe?

/ helbergfarmstories / 8 Comments

Well, we finally got to it.  Cleaned up the first major plot (it’s about 20’ long, 2-1/2’ wide) using the “weedless gardening method”.  Corn, beans, and cucs (The Three Sisters) are in here.  We are about a month late on the corn, so it will be interesting to see how it grows.

corn beans cucs weedless plot.jpg

The high grassy area next to this one is actually 2 more plots and two more walkways.  I still find it amazing how fast the weeds can come back.  The posts to the east of that area mark where the raspberries are.  We just started them a couple of years ago, but they are also filled with weeds.  East of that is three more walkways with two rows of field fencing (for those that do not know – that is fence about 4 feet high made up of 4”x4” squares, non-electric) which once held dozens of heirloom tomato plants.  We have the plants safe in the greenhouse, but they must come out soon – getting too big for their britches in there, sneaky buggers.

The potatoes that I started the weedless gardening method on are doing outstanding, even by the horseradish:

horseraddish n tadders 6-2-16.jpg

There are weeds around the plot, but only a small amount actually in the plot.  The potatoes are about 10” high already- woohoo.  Oh, and, yes, that is our horseradish at the top.  It is getting ready to flower, which is a first for us.  We have had it for several years now.  IT decided where “it” was going to be planted (true story).  We had it about 10 feet to the east of this spot originally.  It began spreading to the west all on its own.  Not as bad as the mint, mind you, but moving non-the-less. (Hee hee, maybe I should write a scary movie based on this? Lol).  It finally settled here, so we created a plot just for it.  Happily, it has not tried to run away to another spot since settling here.

Then we have these wild beauties:

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We call them Widows Tears.  The pinkish/purple stems explode open first, looking like they are done – but wait – a green pod forms on the ends of the stems and this beautiful blue flower with yellow center opens up.  They do not last long, but the bees love them.  There are not thousands of them, but they do manage to scatter about a lot.

This is one of the bee favs:

catnip mint 6-2-16.jpg

It’s catnip mint (also a fav for our barn kitties when I am not in the garden).  Can you spot the bee?  There were several bees at that corner of the plant (stands about 2 feet high), but they would not stop moving about – grrr, ha ha!

This amazing thing (amazing that it is alive) resides in the front yard:

orange bush 6-2-16.jpg

A local hardware store was going to throw away some end-of-year stuff a couple of years back.  We happened to be there and made an offer on several of the bushes.  Most looked like they were dead, but we managed to salvage several.  This wonder is one of the saved.  Have no clue what it is, but it is about 4 feet high, and it gets these beautiful white/yellow flowers about the size of a quarter.  They smell like oranges?!  One of the others that we saved was the blue sea mist that all the butterflies loved last fall (here is the post: Where did they all come from?. If you want to see our little miracle bush.)

Well, here are my wishes for you all today:

  • No more severe storms, pretty sure we are all fed up with them (time to do our naked dance around the fire pit in the middle of the night – eeek, oh no – no one wants to see that!)
  • All the plants that you are putting in late like ours, will grow excellently (is that a word?)
  • You get just enough rain and sunshine to stuff your pantries with your own food in the fall.
  • And, most important, you have fun doing it all!

Well, I’m going back out now to try to tackle the other ½ of our 5 acres – me and my “Knight in Shining Armor” –  riding John Deere mower – woo hoo!  Nothing runs like a Deere, especially me!

Happy Green Thumbing!

burgandy bearded iris 5-30-16.jpg

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What’s better than wild skies and Barry White?

/ helbergfarmstories / 2 Comments

Doing my normal early morning routine of weeding (non-stop physical activity, like it or not, it has to be done), and I happened to glance to the west.  This is what I saw:

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The camera just doesn’t do them justice.  The clouds looked like upside-down rolling mountains.  Now this is a first for me.  I have seen some outstanding clouds out here in Colorado.  I’m pretty sure that being up in altitude as some part in it, but these were so different.

We have some major storms coming in again this afternoon, so I am keeping an eye on them.  Just thankful that I looked up at the moment I did.  Now it is just getting all dark, windy and the clouds are back to their normal swirling confusion of:

  • Let’s go this way.
  • No, we want to go that way. 
  • We just want to be ahead of everyone else. 
  • Maybe we will just stop and hold every cloud up!

Then, just as I thought I was really getting into them (Completely spaced out the weeding now.), I heard Barry White on my radio (yes, I garden with music – the plants told me they love it!).  I began singing along with You’re The First, The Last, My Everything.

Then the peacock decided to come up and join me (pretty sure it was NOT my singing).

peacock 2014

You can tell by his feathers that the wind was not being kind.  He was trying to face me.  He thinks he is so pretty – snob!

The wind then took my bucket full of weed bits and tossed it across the yard.  I took that as a hint to sit, observe my space (so much yet to do, and I’m pretty sure it will still be there tomorrow), continue my duet with Barry and call it quits on weeding today.

Hope my happy gardening spreads to you all.  What’s the point of having one if you can’t enjoy it?!

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ATTACK OF THE HOARDS OF GREEN THINGYS!

/ helbergfarmstories / 7 Comments

I have not been able to keep up with my stories to you; spring has sprung at last! With that being said, here is part of my “to-do” list and my reason for worry about the green thingys:

1.FIND THE FRONT YARD (looks kinda like Where’s Waldo – hee hee, there is a cat in there somewhere?!)! This one is first as foremost as it is where we get to sit back and enjoy a day’s job well done. The non-stop rains we have had, along with our outstandingly perfect temps have made everything green and alive GO NUTS!

DSC_0001 (1).JPG

(yes, the wind finally took out the play set-however- it will be recycled into a tree fort)
2.Get the corn in. Ok, I know all you farmers/gardeners out there are growling at me – yes it is about a month late! Again, our great spring weather this year has not been cooperative. If I had planted it when I wanted, it would have frozen out (several deep freezes since mid-April).

DSC_0007 (1).JPG

(yes, there are plots here, just can’t see them.  I will post when done to show the difference.)

3. Build the new PVC Climber structure.  A couple of months ago I found a great structure.  When I asked around for plans, no one knew.  So I dug deeper and actually found the creator.  He said he did not have any plans (he just winged it – eek, lol – I do that all the time!), but he did have the sizes of PVC that he used.  That was at least a start.  Well, I have spent the last couple months creating plans.  Now I just need to get to Home Depot and get the parts.  It needs to go up asap as we want a ton of things on it this year.  Everything from cucs to melons.  We also hope to get it growing thick enough that we can set up some mid and late season cooler weather crops inside of it – wish us luck on this one!

4. Mowing, trimming, and more mowing.  We have gone from 40 degrees and straight rain (not normal for Colorado), to 75+ and full sun (this is normal) overnight.  This is going to be a non-stop thing for right now anyway.  I just mowed the main areas last weekend, and they need it again already (again not normal)!  Thank goodness my sister was smart, and we finally broke down and got a riding lawn tractor with a wagon.  It has been my “body saver” – literally!  With osteoarthritis sneak attacking my joints, just getting up and down in entertaining.  The right shoulder was so disintegrated that it needed a full reverse replacement.  The joint is metal and plastic, and if I pull or push too hard, it pops out of socket – NOW THERES A FUN TRIP!?!  Then I am laid up until it decides to go back in.  I did find that if I put ice on it, lay flat on a floor or bed, and relax (now there’s the trick when you are in excruciating pain); it will usually slide back in.  Then the jerky thing acts like nothing happened at all – instant no pain.  Go figure?
5. strong>Clean up and prep the rest of the garden plots (outside) and get those seeds going. We are working on the weedless gardening method this year, so it takes longer to get prepped.  The hope is that once we have it going, there will be much less weeding in future years – we hope!?!

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6. Trim up trees and get the suckers root starting in hopes to transplant into new areas – increase our tree and bush populations.  We have spice bushes popping up all over the place (normal), want to put in a bunch for wind blocking in appropriate areas.

So, this is just a fraction of my actual to-do list.  Growing up on an 80-acre farm in Wisconsin, I knew it is a non-stop job.  But this year there seems to be a ton of extras to be done.  First is most definitely the front yard – have to have that relaxing resting spot before all else!

(Oh – FYI – my list is up to #50 and still growing – ouch – all spring, summer and fall projects – JOY!)

relax frog w drink

 

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Is Your Sky Like This?

/ helbergfarmstories / 2 Comments

When I was younger, growing up in Wisconsin was a fun time. One of our favorite things to do was to go out to the pig house and watch the night sky.

The pig house was simply a small structure where the pigs went for shade. There were holes for windows and a door, but no glass or wood blocking them. When we were tall enough (For me that was a big deal. My father loved to quote the Jetsons dog “rook at da rimp” when picking on me – shortest of all, and still am.), we couldn’t wait to climb up on top of the shack, lay back, and watch the sunset, until the stars come out. It was perfect!

We could see the Northern Lights when they were out. Excellent place to view several fireworks shows at one time. Great for sneaking a peek at wildlife wandering through our fields (we had a river and a pond, so everyone came for drinks).

Well, I just received an email from one of my fav sites: Earthsky.com. This time in their list of articles is one titled: How to see the legendary green flash. Green flash? I have heard of the Green Hornet, and Green Lantern but just who is the Green Flash? Oh, silly me, it’s not a person but an occurrence.

green flash in the sky

Apparently some places are going to be lucky enough tonight (5/16/16) to see this wondrous thing. I know for a fact that we won’t, as there is nothing but clouds, rain and cool temps for the next 2 to 3 days (boo hoo!).  Oh, and then there is the mountains.  So, to those of you that are lucky – I hope you will share any photos or videos of this that you might get?!

I love watching the stars at night, clouds passing on a warm summer day, and most anything that has to do with looking up. (Yes, I still find shapes in the stars too! Teaching my grandson how to enjoy them this way.) Think this is an excellent way to view life – looking up.

cloud pics - frong

Do you see the frog?

 
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I’VE GOT A DREAM…

/ helbergfarmstories / 11 Comments

I have been having this on-going dream/fantasy of the “great escape!”  I love our farm, but sometimes it would be great if we could just do a mini-vacation.  I’m thinking of some type of 3-day to 1-week away session.  The biggest concern with these thoughts is my grandson.  He is only 7 and has some issues and a very traumatic life so far.  We try to keep the consistency going, so trips of any kind can throw him off whack.

Well, in going through my dream, I have come up with a thought that will not leave my head – – – an RV or conversion van!  Ta-da!

Ok, now let’s hear it!  There must be someone out there that has done this and has opinions?  I need to hear them all – pro and con, please.  This thought will not leave my head.  I learned long ago that when you have something that keeps tickling at the back of your brain, it’s a hint that you should follow through with that idea.

I’m thinking something like this:

dream van

But since we will be renting it, pretty sure I would get stuck with more like this:

trashed van

Not bad, just not right.  My grandson is a computer-aholic, ADHD wizard.  We must be able to provide that mental stimulation while on the road.  Thought about rigging a cattle prod under his seat and when he gets too wild, give him a little jolt.  Then I realized that someone might consider that child abuse, so that and the pet carrier are out.  (yes, I am just kidding – more laughter this year remember?)

beeker eeek

So I am now open for suggestions, please!  We are looking at everything from Mesa Verde to upper Michigan for our trips.  Could be a 3 to 4-day extended weekend, or possibly 7-10-day week long trip.  Please share with me what you find as “great family fun” in your neck-of-the-woods.  I’m need help here people (sometimes it’s really tough being an old fart – hee hee)!  The only stipulation I have is that it must be drivable (sorry, no flying for this gardener – love my feet on the ground too much).

 

 

 

 

TO WHOM DO I OWE THIS ROTTEN “MANEUVER?”

/ helbergfarmstories / 4 Comments

Yes, it is a maneuver (For anyone that has ever watched Eddie Izzard stand-up comedy – this is perfectly stated here)! Someone somewhere has decreed that you must gain weight back quickly after it has cost you great time, pain, and effort to get it off! Jerks!!

I do not normally give a flying monkey butt about what people think about me or the way I look. I have fun!! When I dig in the dirt, I get dirty. When I clean the house, I get dusty. When I build or tear apart something for the farm, I get hot and (yes girls) sweaty. You would think that with all of that going on I would be the size of a twig – Nooot!

It is my birthday today! I now have the following:

  • Right shoulder – complete reverse replacement.
  • Left shoulder – gut/clean-up for bone spurs.
  • Right and left shoulder both – front tendons cut due to arthritis pulling them too far forward. (can lift things to a point, not as much weight and not at a certain angle – unfortunately, coffee pots are at the angle so now it takes two hands for my morning boost – boo hoo!)
  • Both knees – complete replacements.
  • Half my left foot – replaced with a metal plate, pins and joints.
  • All of the above due to osteoarthritis – oh lucky me!

Oops, almost forgot

  • Left index finger – half amputated from a severe infection (never try this one at home kiddies). The only bummers with this one are my typing (used to be over 100 wpm, not no more) and my yarn work (though this part is sometimes fun to watch – pick up the yarn with your left index finger and maneuver it over the needle – ya right?!). Luckily can still dig in the dirt!

All of the stuff bulleted above happened within a 1-year time and began just a couple months after our fire loss of 2014. Oddly enough, I am in a happy, happy, joy, joy mood today – what’s up with that?

peanuts happy dance

Before all of this hit, I had lost over 40 pounds doing physically hard work and my new jobs, which was the biggest thrill of doing them! It took over two years to get it down that much.

Well, I thought I was smart (idiot!), having the left foot done as soon as I was able to tolerate the left knee pain, but was semi-bed ridden for 3+ months for healing time. I was not allowed to put ANY pressure on the foot at all. I tried crutches – oops, not that coordinated (help, I fell and couldn’t get up because I couldn’t stop laughing at myself on the floor), then bought a “knee scooter” – BEST INVENTION EVER!!!

knee scooter

(you can see why he just had to fly around the house on it -p.s. love the basket!)

I got pretty good at the end of my 2nd month at whipping around on that hummer – weeee! My grandson loved it too, except he could actually sit on it and ride it around. Didn’t care until I needed to go to the bathroom, then somehow it was always out-of-reach? (little bugger!)

During this “down time,” I managed to gain back all the weight I worked so hard on getting off. My big question here is – why? I tried hard to watch what I ate, but the body decided it just did not like the idea of me lazin around.

It was a painfully long haul maneuvering (there’s that word again-grr), the metal and plastic parts. One of the first dumbest stunts was opening a door too fast and too far back! Swung that sucker wide and popped my right shoulder right out of socket – now doesn’t that just look pretty??!!! It sticks out like a 2nd head popping out of my shoulder. Can you say OUCH! Oh and here’s the other kicker – it doesn’t just “pop” back in – nooooo – I have to maneuver it around – gently – to get it to slide back in. Hard lesson learned real fast! (my father would be proud – “you dumb shit” – flew out of my mouth instantly, for those of you that don’t know, it was his pet name for me – and yes, I am laughing hysterically writing this!)

shoulder reverse replacement

(hee hee – picture that plate sliding right off that ball toward your chest – “dumb shit!” – LOL)

Yes, Mo (my outstanding Therapist, and he even knows how to guilt me like a dad – lol), I am doing my therapy! However, with two years of neglected gardens screaming at me, I can’t wait for my mess to heal. Throw on my shorts, head sweat band, grab my tools and to the gardens I go! I think I have subconsciously taught myself to watch how much I pick up, how I pick it up and how I maneuver (that wonderful “m” word once again attacks). So me, my metal and plastic parts, my wrinkles, and lightly graying hairs hope you all have such fun birthdays as this! (Oh, and it’s raining with a chance of snow – grr!)

cake silly face

 

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ODE TO SPRING – This is the way the world begins…

/ helbergfarmstories / 1 Comment

This one is dedicated to my cousin Carol Jo in Wisconsin (and, of course, all rest of you – family, friend and frozen). I just now (2 pm MST) took these pics from our front yard:

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The Honeysuckle is a bloomin,

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The Iris and Mint are a poppin.

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Tulips are a growin,DSC_0008

And the Lilly’s almost a showin.

Then there was this:

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Late last fall I just shoved some Spice Bush shoots into this pot in hopes of transplanting them – last year. Well, best-laid plans being what they are, I didn’t get to them.

I just now, for grins and giggles, took a peek at the pot and the silly things have leaves! WHAT’S UP WITH THAT??? Open pot, left over from last fall, been sitting out all winter; yet they survived and are THRIVING?? I guess our friend is right – we must be in a blessed spot when it comes to mother nature.

Now, for those of you that remember Night Gallery the series…I/we are now officially the Old Lady in the garden, “Everything I plant grows!” Oops, I even lost ½ my finger (in 2014 – different story), but I forgot to get it from my doctor, save it and plant it so I could re-grow. I know, I know…sounds sick but the show was fantastic!

A Happy Garden is a Healthy Garden! Hee hee

 

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