funny

CAN YOU SEE ME NOW – BOO?

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Cool looking bugs have always fascinated me. What interests me most is how well they blend in. I can spot a Ladybug just about anywhere. Grasshoppers stick out also. But the praying mantis is just too cool!
I was doing some spot watering in the greenhouse today. We have plants in there that are now as tall or taller than me (I am 5’5” in case you are wondering). Well just cruising along the plots minding my own business then I happened to glance over my left shoulder. There he was. Hanging out – upside down – on the tarragon bush (Which, by the way, also gets HUGE! Cut it back three times so far this year, and it’s getting close to another butchering!).

male-mantis-1   male-mantis-2
I know the females (green ones) are in the greenhouse as we put most of them in there. But this was a he-male. First male I have seen in the greenhouse and that is this big…

I placed my hand behind him just to show how huge he is. My guess is about 3-1/2 to 4 inches long. I couldn’t help just staring at him. The details, the grace among the plant, the fact that they wipe out bad bugs – awesome!
We are getting into my favorite time of year – fall! This is when I really start looking at things in great detail. I was pulling weeds in the front patio and finally saw a velvet ant – not bad. They are the size of the red ants here, but shiny/fuzzy bodies. This one was bright red. However, I was asked once if the “cow killer” I found was actually a velvet ant. I can now firmly say – NO WAY, NOT ON YOUR LIFE! This velvet ant was really “ant” size – small, about ¼ inch long. The Cow Killer was the size of a large black beetle or a full-size bumble bee. It also moved really, really fast! Pretty sure I do not EVER want one of these to bite me – ouch! I would also prefer to not EVER see one again thank you – – – way too scary!

cow-killer-bug  (Cow Killer)
I am thinking that climate change has all the bugs off-whack too. Insects that we used to see in the heat of the summer, have just appeared in the last 3 weeks…yellow jackets, for example. There have been a couple here and there, but not like right now. Masses have accumulated at the south side of our home and in the greenhouse. We have to go in the greenhouse early or late in the day. We have set up some traps, but their numbers are greater than our little traps can handle. This is very odd indeed. Over the last several years we have gotten the occasional honeybee that was lost, confused and ended up inside. A wasp or two was no big deal. But this year is biblical plague size.

scary-wasp-face

 

 

 

 

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IT’S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN, ARE YOU LOSING IT?

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I find it funny how sometimes I don’t even have to look at a calendar to know what time of the year it is.  It’s not the flowers or the trees; it’s our peacock.  I know, peacock?  Time of year?  This farm gal has gone off the deep end of a shallow pool – ha ha, not!

When it is very warm or very cold the peacock looks like this:

DSC_0022  DSC_0020

Full, beautiful bunch of tail feathers – definitely something to be proud of (and he is).  F.Y.I., they are very vain birds.  We catch him constantly sitting, staring at his reflection in our windows.  So wrong!

They also make great guard dogs.  Nothing gets close to or in our yards without this monster spouting out (if you have never heard one, go to the Denver Zoo -it’s loaded with them, and they are noisy).  The downside to that is we live next to an interstate highway, and on/off ramp for it, and a railroad track.  If any one of those makes an unusual sound (huge bang from train starting up, jake-brake from a semi trying to slow down, etc.), he squawks off.  During the day I don’t mind, but one a.m., I’m looking for a shoe to throw at him (he perches up in the tree outside my window at night – jerk!)!

Well, all I have to do is look for the tell-tale signs in the yard:

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And I will know EXACTLY what time of year it is…

It’s peacock humiliation time – WOOO HOOO!!

DSC_0006

Notice how even he does not want to show his face when his tail looks like this – LMAO!  All of the feathers will drop off before the temps get much lower.  Then he will start to put on new ones before winter.  In the spring we go through the same process – PEACOCK FEATHERS EVERYWHERE!

We had hundreds of them before the fire (boo hoo, all gone), and I was worried.  Silly me!

p feathers 1-yr 8-16-16

This is what we have collected just this year.  The last two years we just let them fly.  This is the feathers of two molting’s sitting there.  Going to have to get a bigger pot to put them in soon – eeek!

 

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QUOTE CHALLENGE – DAY 3, Thanx Oscar Wilde!

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This one is actually a quote from Oscar Wilde

No good deed plack

 Perfect example:

Good Samaritan

I know there are those of you out there who still believe that good deeds will be rewarded.  You go right on believing that if it makes you feel good.  As for me, not a chance.

I do believe and follow the following:

  • Do unto others as you would have them do unto you (this one gets tricky)
  • An eye for an eye (and I usually am not the one doing the “for an eye” bit – but I have been lucky enough to witness the results – woo hoo!)
  • Bad things come in 3’s (or 4’s or 5’s or 6’s…)
  • Smile, it makes people wonder what you are up to. (This was from my mother.  She would do this to people she didn’t like just cuz it would freak them out – LOL)
  • Murphy’s Laws: For those of you that are not familiar with it:

murphys laws

If you are not laughing with me by now, you need to see your doctor.  Life is just too darn short not to push harder to see the humor in as much of it as possible!

Laugh on people, laugh on!!

laugh wrinkles  i said trim

(now that’s funny!)

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TO WHOM DO I OWE THIS ROTTEN “MANEUVER?”

/ helbergfarmstories / 4 Comments

Yes, it is a maneuver (For anyone that has ever watched Eddie Izzard stand-up comedy – this is perfectly stated here)! Someone somewhere has decreed that you must gain weight back quickly after it has cost you great time, pain, and effort to get it off! Jerks!!

I do not normally give a flying monkey butt about what people think about me or the way I look. I have fun!! When I dig in the dirt, I get dirty. When I clean the house, I get dusty. When I build or tear apart something for the farm, I get hot and (yes girls) sweaty. You would think that with all of that going on I would be the size of a twig – Nooot!

It is my birthday today! I now have the following:

  • Right shoulder – complete reverse replacement.
  • Left shoulder – gut/clean-up for bone spurs.
  • Right and left shoulder both – front tendons cut due to arthritis pulling them too far forward. (can lift things to a point, not as much weight and not at a certain angle – unfortunately, coffee pots are at the angle so now it takes two hands for my morning boost – boo hoo!)
  • Both knees – complete replacements.
  • Half my left foot – replaced with a metal plate, pins and joints.
  • All of the above due to osteoarthritis – oh lucky me!

Oops, almost forgot

  • Left index finger – half amputated from a severe infection (never try this one at home kiddies). The only bummers with this one are my typing (used to be over 100 wpm, not no more) and my yarn work (though this part is sometimes fun to watch – pick up the yarn with your left index finger and maneuver it over the needle – ya right?!). Luckily can still dig in the dirt!

All of the stuff bulleted above happened within a 1-year time and began just a couple months after our fire loss of 2014. Oddly enough, I am in a happy, happy, joy, joy mood today – what’s up with that?

peanuts happy dance

Before all of this hit, I had lost over 40 pounds doing physically hard work and my new jobs, which was the biggest thrill of doing them! It took over two years to get it down that much.

Well, I thought I was smart (idiot!), having the left foot done as soon as I was able to tolerate the left knee pain, but was semi-bed ridden for 3+ months for healing time. I was not allowed to put ANY pressure on the foot at all. I tried crutches – oops, not that coordinated (help, I fell and couldn’t get up because I couldn’t stop laughing at myself on the floor), then bought a “knee scooter” – BEST INVENTION EVER!!!

knee scooter

(you can see why he just had to fly around the house on it -p.s. love the basket!)

I got pretty good at the end of my 2nd month at whipping around on that hummer – weeee! My grandson loved it too, except he could actually sit on it and ride it around. Didn’t care until I needed to go to the bathroom, then somehow it was always out-of-reach? (little bugger!)

During this “down time,” I managed to gain back all the weight I worked so hard on getting off. My big question here is – why? I tried hard to watch what I ate, but the body decided it just did not like the idea of me lazin around.

It was a painfully long haul maneuvering (there’s that word again-grr), the metal and plastic parts. One of the first dumbest stunts was opening a door too fast and too far back! Swung that sucker wide and popped my right shoulder right out of socket – now doesn’t that just look pretty??!!! It sticks out like a 2nd head popping out of my shoulder. Can you say OUCH! Oh and here’s the other kicker – it doesn’t just “pop” back in – nooooo – I have to maneuver it around – gently – to get it to slide back in. Hard lesson learned real fast! (my father would be proud – “you dumb shit” – flew out of my mouth instantly, for those of you that don’t know, it was his pet name for me – and yes, I am laughing hysterically writing this!)

shoulder reverse replacement

(hee hee – picture that plate sliding right off that ball toward your chest – “dumb shit!” – LOL)

Yes, Mo (my outstanding Therapist, and he even knows how to guilt me like a dad – lol), I am doing my therapy! However, with two years of neglected gardens screaming at me, I can’t wait for my mess to heal. Throw on my shorts, head sweat band, grab my tools and to the gardens I go! I think I have subconsciously taught myself to watch how much I pick up, how I pick it up and how I maneuver (that wonderful “m” word once again attacks). So me, my metal and plastic parts, my wrinkles, and lightly graying hairs hope you all have such fun birthdays as this! (Oh, and it’s raining with a chance of snow – grr!)

cake silly face

 

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IT’S NOT SMART TO MESS WITH MOTHER NATURE-MAYBE?

/ helbergfarmstories / 2 Comments

This morning was a wakeup call for me and my attempts at taking pictures.  There had to be a couple of thousand Snow Geese flying north over out little farm and these are my shots:

3-3-16 snow geese 2

snow geese 1

3-3-16 snow geese 3

Pretty pitiful – but there are 2 major things wrong pertaining to these pictures:

1)      Winning a great Nikon D3200 Camera with extra DX lens does not make one an instant expert photographer

2)      All the Snow Geese flying north on March 3, 2016 is way abby-normal!

The first one I can fix by actually taking classes (I think they even have some online under Nikon?) to learn how to take better pics.  I could also splurge on a neat little video camera (Walmart has several to choose from, at pretty reasonable prices), then I could have also shared the cool sounds they were making with you.

The second one is the thought that worries me a bit.  This winter has been way to different, and I don’t think it’s just here in Colorado.  It’s normal to get 70 degrees one day and 30 the next from October through January, but to get 60+ and stay there IN FEBRUARY – and no Freeze at all –  now that’s just not normal.  We prep all year for the one to two week period of below freezing day and night, not this year.

Have I also told you that I am an amateur Nature Enthusiast?  I say amateur because I have never taken formal classes on the subject; however, I have lived on a working farm most of my life (My folks purchased the family farm when I was about 2, and my sister was born after we moved there so she has been at it since birth).

I am fascinated with all things nature and natural.  The critters that show up unexpectedly in our yard (can you say opossum!).  The deer that come out of the woods almost every sunset to frolic in the lower pasture (especially love watching in spring as they chase each other all around till dark).  The increasing numbers of good bugs that are showing up here every year (Praying Mantis, Ladybugs, Monarch Butterflies – and some are endangered species).  We do not use chemicals of any kind on our property, so maybe we have become the Favorite Bug Restaurant for the good guys (I can only hope!)?  Who knows why they come, I’m just glad the come.

The numbers of sightings have increase about 10-fold since we purchased our little property in 2000.  Then again we cannot take all the credit, the first 3 years we were here were the worst drought years Colorado had seen in 100+ years.  That may have been a contributing factor (oh sure, blame the drought).  However, all I know is that they are here now and in growing numbers.

So the geese flying north in masses makes me wonder what old (yes she is “old”) Mother Nature is up to now?

Mother Nature 1

Is she in a playful mood and deciding to bring a nice early spring?  Is she in a vengeful mood and going to trick us into thinking it is nice, then zap us with a wicked deep freeze in April (after everything is in bloom of course – happened before and not long ago.)?  I cannot blame her for wanting revenge, we the people have abused her for too long.  Some of us (wish there were more- boo hoo) have actually been trying to help her all our lives. 

I guess there’s no way to predict what she’s up too, so we will just keep doing what we do – garden naturally, and hope for the best! 

Maybe I will put a totem up for her in the gardens to try to appease her – how’s this?

totem 1

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MY 2ND – WHATS UP WITH THIS?

/ helbergfarmstories / 8 Comments

The sun rises. The curtains are drawn. The damage – Act I Scene I:

windy night 2-19-16-1

The wind shows its ugly face again!

creapy face

This time, it was wicked enough to take out my grandson’s playset and part of our fence in the front yard.

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The fence I can put up by myself fairly easily, but this playset is another story. The sucker’s heavy!

So the first part of this “fun” weekend will be spent on cleaning and fix up. The Wind and its might are not uncommon here in northeastern Colorado, but ones this strong do not normally happen until the heat of summer – very odd indeed!

So, trying to keep in the lighthearted humor mindset, here is my children’s rhyme to the wind (sing to Rain, Rain go away):

Wind, wind blow away,

Come back on a 90’s day! (Oh it won’t do that cuz it would be helpful then – ha ha)

Wind, wind blow away,

Cuz I want my fence to stay! (ya, sure – pretty sure it’s using our fence for target practice!)

Wind, wind blow away,

Let my grandson go to play! (When it’s warm outside, he should be on his playset!)

Wonder if it is listening to me? Maybe you all can help and chant this when it comes to your area. Who knows, maybe we can all chant and send up enough hot air to counter its mean effect! It’s a though?!?

stick kids playing

 
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IS IT OUR JOB? THEN WHY DO I FELL LIKE A JESTER?

/ helbergfarmstories / 3 Comments

I believe it is our job as humans to take care of the other creatures we share the planet with – yes, even spiders (yucky!).

brown spider pic

We try to keep at least one or 2 spiders in our home (as long as they stay up on the ceiling out of reach) to help control flies and other bothersome pests. We have Bull Snakes which help to keep the rodent population down (as long as I don’t confront one while weeding, I’m cool with it). We have free-range fowl that help to keep the grasshopper population at bay (just gotta watch the turkeys – they will steal your hot peppers, and the ducks will take up residence between the tomato plants and pluck the fruit at the peak of ripeness – jerks!).

We have learned a ton of natural gardening methods to deter all different kinds of critters. We would prefer to deter, then eliminate. However, once in a while, you get something that you just do not want anywhere on your property! For us, that is the Yellow Jacket Wasp!

yellow jacket wasp pic

I know it is our job as humans to tend to the creatures of the planet, but I have a real hard time when it comes to the Yellow Jacket. It is a mean monster that will sting for no reason, and do it over and over and over again. The poor Honey bee loses its guts if it stings you! I am pretty sure I wouldn’t want to sting anything if it meant having my insides pulled out – yucky and OUCH!

Please don’t confuse them with our wonderful Honey Bees:

honey bee pic

I am posting pics of both at a fairly close distance so you can learn the differences. We also love our Mason Bees

mason bee pic

I call them my Fuzzy Bees. They are about the same size as a black fly (another nasty pest), but they are all fuzzy looking here. I have heard that some are black; I have never seen a black one, just our creamy tan little cuties (yes, I love it when they rest on me – too fun!)

Then we also have what is called a Mud Wasp (also called Mud Dauber or Dirt Digger):

mud wasp

(Don’t let this pic fool you – they are only about ½ inch long when full grown, would rather walk and flick their wings they fly around after you.) Do NOT confuse them with the mean wasp family as they are not a baddy but a goodie. They usually travel alone and eat the baddies in your gardens. They like to hang around buildings collecting mud for their nests. Ours made a home between the bricks on the patio off the east porch steps. We also have a small crack in the steps when the house shifted, and she will fly from patio to porch and back. Never hurt any of us, have seen her attack a daddy long legs spider, and a pill bug. So she can stay!

In all fairness, I went to Wikipedia, which then led me to UC Davis Edu. This finally gave me the answer to my question – What are they good for? According to this article – little to nothing, which is what I thought. They are very predatory and will keep other pests away, however; I have seen them take out a Honey Bee hive (ticked me off!). So unless one of my readers can give me a good reason to keep them around, I will continue to eliminate them every chance I get!

I was weeding around a wagon of ours, it had some pretty tall grasses and some picker weeds – time for it all to go. I felt a burning sensation on the back of my hand (yep – no gloves, stupid me!) and when I pulled my hand up and flipped it over – 3 of the nasty monsters were going to town on my hand – grrr! I brushed them off and stomped on them, then went to the pump, got some cold water and made a mud pack. Slapped it on my hand which, by now, was about doubled in size and tight as a drum! Please note that I am not allergic to these buggers, or bees for that matter, but their sting is that bad!

So my takeaway today is “kill the hornet, kill the hornet, kill the hornet” (you have to sing that to the Bugs Bunny Opera episode – Elmer is a Viking, Bugs is Brunhilda – hee hee)Whats opera doc

(FYI – One of my all-time favorite Cartoons!)

 

 
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WHEN SOMEBODY THINKS YOU’RE WONDERFUL…

/ helbergfarmstories / 7 Comments

This little ditty is for my friend blogger – DizzieLizzie – hope she likes it!

I listen to AccuRadio whenever I am at my computer.  Right now I listen to their Pop Standards: Rock Vocalists channel and there just so happens to be a song on by Bryan Ferry called When Somebody Thinks You’re Wonderful.  I just finished reading DizzieLizzies latest post on Looking UP….this song made me think of her!  It is an older song re-mixed into a newer song (that is what most of this channel is – also has great Rod Stewart and Bette Midler – love it!) and it is very bubbly.

So, in keeping with my New Year Resolution – here’s my bit-o-giggle for today….

When somebody thinks you’re wonderful…

silly dog

When somebody thinks you care…

silly pandas

When somebody thinks you’re wonderful…

silly dog 2

When you have so much love to share….

silly marmosets

When somebody thinks you’re wonderful…

silly llama

When your skies turn sad and gray…

silly emu

When somebody thinks your wonderful…

silly kitten n ducks

When I’ll help chase those clouds away.

silly cat

Ok, so that is not the exact words, but you get the gist.  Just wanted to share that none of us are ever really alone.  We just need to be reminded from time-to-time of those that encourage, love and support us…friends…family…God…the Guy sitting in the car in front of my house (oh wait – scratch the last one, that would actually be considered a stalker – oops LOL). 

Go out, suck in the sunshine, take a deep breath (except up by my family in MI – your nose will stick together from the cold so don’t do that-ouch LOL), and greet the day!

 

WHAT IS THIS? HINT – ITS NOT SNOW.

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fog day in herb garden

(the flash from my camera made it a lot brighter out than it was – only about 5:30 a.m. here)

Nope – it’s not snow.  Looked like it was to me at first then I saw this:

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Normally you can see the woods and the highway to the upper left very VERY clearly.  Not this day.  The longer I watched the more shaded the trees became until they completely disappeared (sadly the battery on my camera died-figures LOL)…it was FOG!!

We get fog quite often here.  When the weather comes down from the Rockies, dips deep into the foothills of Denver, then follows the Platte River out our way – we never know what it will bring/do.

This time was amazing.  We have snow on the ground already from a couple of good previous snows – but this was unusual.  The fog was so dense, wet, and heavy that it formed a layer on everything. 

Eventually, and unfortunately briefly, even the far fence line in this photo disappeared – can you say Twilight Zone again?? I encountered fog this thick once before back in Wisconsin.  I was about 19 years old, was heading from Plymouth to Sheboygan for an interview.  The fog came in so fast and so thick off of Lake Michigan that I had to open my door to see the center line.  Of course, the chicken that I am when it comes to driving blind, I then turned around and changed my appointment.

It’s a very creepy feeling when you cannot see more than about five feet in front of you!  This time I was safe in my home and wishing it had hung around longer.  It was early morning and, once the sun comes up in Colorado, it will burn off anything hanging (yep – bad pun- LOL) around.  Gotta love livin here – never a dull moment!

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GARDENING RESOLUTION #1- MORE FUN!

/ helbergfarmstories / 8 Comments

The last 2 years have been really rough for living and gardening, so I just have 1 resolution for 2016…

HAVE MORE FUN AND LAUGHS IN THE GARDENS!

This is what doing yard and garden work should be about – fun! There are only 2 reasons, I believe, for having an outdoor space: 1) To grow your own food, 2) A place you go to for relaxation and enjoyment.

garden fun-claymation

My parents used to have a great saying “you play, you pay”, which seems to fit almost any/every situation. None more so than your own personal outdoor space. You want something that, on your worst days, you can go to for your own personal karmic relief. A place that you (or with a bit of help from others) created and that you are content and proud to be in.

So, for my new year – and I hope yours – why don’t we try making it more fun? We all have to pull weeds somewhere, at some time – why not use that time to take you’re your frustrations?

pulling weeds

Beat the snot out of them – rip them out of the ground – or do it an easy way as my friend does…grab a pair of old scissors (make sure they are long), grab a shady hat or maybe you have a portable umbrella setup for shade, load a few of your favorite drinks in a small cooler, sit down by the area you want to attack, and begin: With gloves on (because she is allergic to some of them), she holds a weed up to accurately locate the base of it, maneuvers her scissors down the shaft into the ground and SNIP – it’s gone! Now this may seem a bit unusual, but she has a very valid reason to her madness. She stops the weed without bothering the good plants she has near it.

silly weed

Now, step back for a minute and think about this! She did not disturb the roots of the good growers. She stopped the weed from getting any sun and/or water. Yes, it will come back – but not for quite a while. This relaxed method also gave her several moments of peace and contentment. All she heard was distant sounds and, once done, she sat back and was proud at what she had accomplished. I was in awe of her great natural gardening discovery! So I tried it! It was wonderful!

If you have to be out there doing the nasty with the weeds anyway, why not enjoy it? Why torture your back or shoulders with wrestling with the monsters, when you can use that same time – with less energy – as a type of “Zen” experience? Become ONE with the butterfly (appreciate the Monarch if you see it – endangered species) and all the fun things in your space!

monarch on a plant

So, this is my major New Year Resolution – to make it all more fun and enjoyable. I hope you will too!