for grins and giggles

BECAUSE THE BIRDS WERE GOING NUTS!

/ helbergfarmstories / 7 Comments

(Before you read this, think of the old Dick Tracy or Dragnet style of storytelling – it will help-lol.)

THE CITY: Just outside of Brush, Colorado

THE TIME: 4:00 P.M. ish

THE DATE: January 18, 2016

It was a Monday just like all the others, or so I thought. Most of the day went off without a hitch. Get up, get ready for the day, feed the critters and start business. Every weekday afternoon (except holidays and teacher only work days) at 3:30 ish go wait for the bus to drop off my grandson Nathan.

I waited, he was delivered, and then I decided that there was storm front coming in so I went to do up chores early. That was when the game changed. The guineas were screaming of something wrong. They were all on top of the chicken coop instead of their normal racing on the ground – something was definitely amiss.

I couldn’t tell where the trouble was, as guineas do not stand still when they are scared. They will gather in a bunch and then mingle and scream at each other. Like that will fix the problem? I began trying to gather all the fowl into their barn and that’s when I saw it – DUN DUN DAAAA:

opossum 1

It was on the north end of the coop, in the path that I created around the greenhouse. It was just as scared of me as I was of it! We stood for just a moment locked in each other’s gaze. Then it turned and headed for the greenhouse and feed shed – oh oh! They move faster in the snow than I had expected.

I quickly reached for my cell phone to try to nab the critter (ok, just a picture of the critter), but I was too slow (story of my life). It was now hiding behind an old wheelbarrow that was leaning against the feed shed – score one for the opossum!

We have a gap in the base boards of that area, so I snuck around to the inside of the shed, still hoping to get a shot at it (oops, I mean of it -LOL). It was a crafty critter, all I had a clear shot of was its butt.

I decided that this beastie had won this round – but I will be ready for it in the morning!

opossum 2

(FYI – it is morning 1/19 and it is gone – boo hoo. First time I/we have every had one up at the farm. I wonder if it is a shemale looking for a baby maker house? Hmm – will have to keep an eye out for it – and maybe babies?)

JUST BECAUSE YOU MADE ME LAUGH.

/ helbergfarmstories / 5 Comments

JUST BECAUSE YOU MADE ME LAUGH.

In keeping with my New Year Resolution, this one is for Arlene (https://arlenedavidsully.wordpress.com) because she was the first to make me laugh today.

First we have – find the Praying Mantis:

PRAYING MANTIS 9-11-15

She found a great place to blend in with our Virginia Creeper.  They are popping up all over the place the last couple of years.  The one that is on this wheel against the house is the biggest:

DSC_0005 (1)

Yes, this most recent pic is during winter so it is crushed a bit, but you get the idea.  When it is mid-summer it completely covers the old metal wagon wheel, then starts traveling up the porch rails.

Then there is this:

my precious-cat pic

Which happens to be the exact same thing that our 2 Christmas newbies are doing.  The problem is that EVERYTHING is their precious – including my hair, my yarn and my pencils (one of the idiots loves to swipe them and then chew off the erasers?  Doesn’t eat them, just pulls them off and leaves them laying around the house?)

 

 

Last, but not least, in keeping with this years’ theme; one of the guineas has managed to get through the fence between our hens and the roosters – he is now dubbed Houdini!  I have no clue how he did it?  We never let all the girls and boys out together, and I have combed both sides of the coups only to find nothing – no visible means of escape.  Now the stupid bird can just stay with the boys – ha ha ha (it is funny cuz all he does is run up and down alongside the pen squawking at all the others to let him back in.)!   They look cool, are great critter hunters, but it is obvious they have a brain smaller than a pea.

So there are these:

guinea face 1                guinea face 2

How can you not laugh at something that looks like this?  They have a flat nob on their head like a dino would have had.  They run super-fast but never seem to know where they are going.  Their sound is like a bad squeaky wheel or door (really bad and really loud).  They do let you know if there is anything different in your yard, on the road, in the barn wherever.  They are also the best thing for catching grasshoppers, snakes, mice and other fast pesties in the gardens.  But when they do their circle dance it is hysterical (will try to catch a video of it this spring).

I hope this starts your Monday on a happier note!?

Happy Gardening!    guinea face 3

TO START OR NOT TO START – NOW THAT IS A QUESTION?

/ helbergfarmstories / 15 Comments

YES – it is, once again, that time of year that we are all thinking “WHEN IS THIS COLD GOING TO END?”  However, there are a ton of us that are not thinking that.  Instead we are thinking “HOW MANY MORE DAYS TILL SPRING?”  Our house is even counting the days to our normal last frost.  Reason being – SEED STARTING.

different seeds

Getting magazine, after magazine, after magazine, AFTER magazine (you get the picture) since before Halloween last year (oh yes – that is when the first one showed up warning us of impending doom if we do not order before the first of the year? –REALLY?).  Filling our heads with visions of daffodils instead of sugar plums at Christmas.  Warming our hearts during the coldest New Year’s Eve parties with planting zone predictions.

pic of pile of garden mags

Yep, got the bug really bad this year!  The last 2 years were just too rough (read previous blogs for more info) for this optimist dreamer to even fathom decent gardens.  Well, get ready for me dirt – cuz here I come!!

fighting dirt

I will be yanking on weeds, showering you with great composted fertilizer mixes and setting you up on the best companion planting dates I can put together!  We have been saving egg shells and coffee grounds by the pounds, ready to mingle into your warmth.

 crushing egg shells                                               coffee beans

 

Even though we still have snow on the ground, and temps at night below freezing – beware!  We are getting ready to attack!  So gardens, prepare for an outbreak of major spring fever that will knock your socks (ok, so they don’t really have socks) off!

spring fever

We have several new ideas in our plans in our arsenal for starting seeds this year.  I will be watching (and taking pics and notes) you gardens –  very VERY closely – to know when you are best prepared.  So let the seed starting games begin!

WHAT IS THIS? HINT – ITS NOT SNOW.

/ helbergfarmstories / 5 Comments

fog day in herb garden

(the flash from my camera made it a lot brighter out than it was – only about 5:30 a.m. here)

Nope – it’s not snow.  Looked like it was to me at first then I saw this:

DSC_0003 (2)

Normally you can see the woods and the highway to the upper left very VERY clearly.  Not this day.  The longer I watched the more shaded the trees became until they completely disappeared (sadly the battery on my camera died-figures LOL)…it was FOG!!

We get fog quite often here.  When the weather comes down from the Rockies, dips deep into the foothills of Denver, then follows the Platte River out our way – we never know what it will bring/do.

This time was amazing.  We have snow on the ground already from a couple of good previous snows – but this was unusual.  The fog was so dense, wet, and heavy that it formed a layer on everything. 

Eventually, and unfortunately briefly, even the far fence line in this photo disappeared – can you say Twilight Zone again?? I encountered fog this thick once before back in Wisconsin.  I was about 19 years old, was heading from Plymouth to Sheboygan for an interview.  The fog came in so fast and so thick off of Lake Michigan that I had to open my door to see the center line.  Of course, the chicken that I am when it comes to driving blind, I then turned around and changed my appointment.

It’s a very creepy feeling when you cannot see more than about five feet in front of you!  This time I was safe in my home and wishing it had hung around longer.  It was early morning and, once the sun comes up in Colorado, it will burn off anything hanging (yep – bad pun- LOL) around.  Gotta love livin here – never a dull moment!

DSC_0005 (1)

 

GARDENING RESOLUTION #1- MORE FUN!

/ helbergfarmstories / 8 Comments

The last 2 years have been really rough for living and gardening, so I just have 1 resolution for 2016…

HAVE MORE FUN AND LAUGHS IN THE GARDENS!

This is what doing yard and garden work should be about – fun! There are only 2 reasons, I believe, for having an outdoor space: 1) To grow your own food, 2) A place you go to for relaxation and enjoyment.

garden fun-claymation

My parents used to have a great saying “you play, you pay”, which seems to fit almost any/every situation. None more so than your own personal outdoor space. You want something that, on your worst days, you can go to for your own personal karmic relief. A place that you (or with a bit of help from others) created and that you are content and proud to be in.

So, for my new year – and I hope yours – why don’t we try making it more fun? We all have to pull weeds somewhere, at some time – why not use that time to take you’re your frustrations?

pulling weeds

Beat the snot out of them – rip them out of the ground – or do it an easy way as my friend does…grab a pair of old scissors (make sure they are long), grab a shady hat or maybe you have a portable umbrella setup for shade, load a few of your favorite drinks in a small cooler, sit down by the area you want to attack, and begin: With gloves on (because she is allergic to some of them), she holds a weed up to accurately locate the base of it, maneuvers her scissors down the shaft into the ground and SNIP – it’s gone! Now this may seem a bit unusual, but she has a very valid reason to her madness. She stops the weed without bothering the good plants she has near it.

silly weed

Now, step back for a minute and think about this! She did not disturb the roots of the good growers. She stopped the weed from getting any sun and/or water. Yes, it will come back – but not for quite a while. This relaxed method also gave her several moments of peace and contentment. All she heard was distant sounds and, once done, she sat back and was proud at what she had accomplished. I was in awe of her great natural gardening discovery! So I tried it! It was wonderful!

If you have to be out there doing the nasty with the weeds anyway, why not enjoy it? Why torture your back or shoulders with wrestling with the monsters, when you can use that same time – with less energy – as a type of “Zen” experience? Become ONE with the butterfly (appreciate the Monarch if you see it – endangered species) and all the fun things in your space!

monarch on a plant

So, this is my major New Year Resolution – to make it all more fun and enjoyable. I hope you will too!

THE BEST NEW YEAR RESOLUTION – AND ITS NOT ABOUT DIETING?

/ helbergfarmstories / 5 Comments

So. Had a wonderful white Christmas (sorry to all you Easterners – but I guess you all had enough last year to hold you over this year at least?!), and I began to ponder about 2016 – as you do. This is what I came up with…

My 2016 resolutions:

  1. LAUGH MORE.

smiling kitten

2. LAUGH OFTEN.

smiling goose

3.LAUGH WITH FRIENDS

smiling puppies

4. LAUGH AT SELF (don’t take things too serious, life is too short)

laughing panda

5. SMILE “HUGE” AT PEOPLE I DON’T KNOW.

smile sheep

6. IF THINGS GET ROUGH – REFER TO RESOLUTION #1.

laughing horse

A lot of you may dismiss this as being too simple and common place – WRONG!

Stop what you are doing right now and think back to this past year. This will only take a moment or two, as most of us cannot remember what we did yesterday (yep – happens to us all!). Can you remember any time you laughed so hard you had tears coming out? How about partying with friends and laughing so hard you had to run to the bathroom (been there, done that way too many times! Hee hee). If you don’t remember doing it this last year, something major is wrong in your life!

smile dog-full teeth

How about sharing a huge – teeth showing- smile/grin at a total stranger? Maybe at a checkout line at a store, or passing through the door of a quick stop place? What about a simple “hi” to someone you do not know – with a polite smile of course? Did you do any of these? Do you remember doing any of these? If not, you are missing out on something Colossal!!

  •  It does NOT cost you anything.
  • It doesn’t hurt to do it (no, really it doesn’t hurt to smile – ok, ok, if you have been a grumpy Gus, you may be a bit rusty and the laugh lines might be a bit stiff and creaky, but it really won’t hurt! HONEST!!).
  • Anyone and everyone can do it.
  • Guaranteed to make your day a bit nicer – oh, and someone else’s too.

smiling baby pig

 

 

 

WOW – WHAT AN AMAZING NEW THING WE HAVE FOUND!

/ helbergfarmstories / 6 Comments

Nope, it’s not a dragon.  However, one would be welcome here- LOL.

Nope it’s not a unicorn, but around here it is just as rare to see.

It is the Yellow-bellied Sapsucker (No – it’s not a strange creation in Looney Toons, it is real) was my gift this time!

yellow-bellied woodpecker-male.png  yellow-bellied woodpecker-female

I know some (ok most) of you are laughing at my minor miracle, however, you need to realize that it is the simple little things in life I treasure the most!  Relaxing in the living room, knitting up a pair of Christmas Bronco socks for my sister, I happened to look up and out the window and there they were!  Not just one but 3 – 1 male and 2 females.  I love sneaking a peeks at the trees out front while I knit.

We have a new huge picture window right smack dab in the middle of the east wall which faces the front yard.  There is a sad pine tree that managed to survive the fire and it has a bird feeder hanging in it, which is usually loaded with sparrows (not the cute Johnny Depp/Jack Sparrow kind).  Next to the large picture window, to the north, is a smaller window.  This one gives me a great view of a tree that has not been doing well (the Elm’s in this territory fall apart at the wave of a hand, so the winds we have had are beating the snot out of them), it is very old but is still hanging in there.  This time of year there are no leaves on it which aided in my great view of the new visitors.

We see Blue Jays every winter.  Chickadees, and the occasional Downey Woodpecker.  But these 3 were brand new.  I/we have been here 15+ years now, and they have never graced us with their presence until now.  Just before the fire, Red-Headed Woodpeckers showed up.  I thought they were extinct – but obviously not.  They are still around – yeah!  I now have an ear-to-ear smile while I am telling you this story.

bluejay

Chickadee Flicker

I love birds and bird watching.  It is a simple way for me to feel great joy.  Unfortunately, I am usually without camera when I spot them.  I even have a couple of binoculars placed in certain spots in the house to get a better view at the woods fields.  However, I never fail to miss a good photo shoot – darn it!!??!!  So, until I become a better photographer (I am trying friends -wish me luck!), I will continue to be a spectator in their wonderful world of flight and color.  I also pledge to continue to feed the birds, and hope you will too!  (P.S. A lot of them help me to destroy the bad bugs in the gardens and yards – BONUS – WOOO HOOO!!)

ARE YOU FAILING ENOUGH? – REALLY??

/ helbergfarmstories / 2 Comments

This is a new one on me. I am signed up with AARP-Life Reimagined (yep, I’m over 50 – eeeekkk!!! Hee hee), and I get regular emails from them…come buy this, come play this game, come take this quiz for fun…well, this recent quiz is titled: ARE YOU FAILING ENOUGH? (click here, have some fun)

REALLY?? That was my first knee-jerk reaction when I saw the title – failing enough?? ENOUGH?? They had me, I had to go take the quiz. It was quick, easy, relatively painless, and did give a polite and helpful answer at the end. Then it got me remembering.

I recalled how everyone thought we were crazy buying a farm. Looking back at it all now, I think they either thought of us as really brave or really stupid (most the latter I think). A farm – in this day and age – what were we gonna do on it AND the one we picked was out in the middle of nothing (almost)? Pretty sure they all thought we were going to fail.

DSCF4878

The big thing they all didn’t know is something that I had learned earlier in my life – anything worth having, I’m going to have to fight to get it. The farm, like every other good thing in my life, took a huge amount of effort and struggle (still does). It wasn’t easy, but we are here! In fact, I have found that If something did happen easy, it inevitably failed and rightly so.

“Are you failing enough” – made me think about my/our life here on the farm.

Farming is a never ending process of failure. Growing, crafting, baking, canning, fixing, building, creation – it is all a series of failures. The trick is knowing that all these failures are an excellent teaching apparatus.

We tried several methods of irrigation – still do – most have failed, but we learned something new on EVERY failure! We now know that we can’t have just one system, we use several depending upon the location, in or out of the greenhouse, shaded or full sun areas and, of course, the crop grown.

We both craft various things, both work in the gardens, both love to see things bloom and grow. I can knit – she hates it, but she loves the results I create. I will start to follow directions, decide that there may be another method to my madness. I get really far into it and decide it stinks. So, I rip it all out and try again – DRIVES HER CRAZY! She sees me working so hard at the creation, then suddenly, without warning, I pull out the needles and start re-balling the yarn – EEEKKK!!! At this point I usually start laughing because she thinks I have destroyed something wonderful, but I know different. I tried – it failed – so I will try again a different way.

DSC_0048

(several of my latest creations)

She is just as bad only in a different format. She has the patience of a saint – drives me nuts! But if something needs to be done with a slow, steady and precise hand – she’s got it – hands down! A few years ago we bought several boxes of peaches from the 4-H kids and the bulk of it became peach jam. That same year she found a recipe for peach cookies. Now, being the good obsessed baker that she is, with a bit of narcissism thrown in, she had to make it her own.

She took a regular sugar cookie dough, somehow baked it into little cup shapes. When cooled, filled the cups with the peach jam, stuck 2 halves together and formed a ball. She then colored and painted them to look exactly like tiny peaches. Rolled them in sugar and to top it off, added little fondant stems – UNBELIEVABLE!

We had to taste test a couple for ourselves, but the majority went into our annual Christmas goodie boxes for friends and family. Everyone told us the same thing – “Didn’t want to eat the peach ones – Too pretty to eat – Still have it – can’t eat something so amazing.” She made them to be savored, and the shear wonder of them all came from her and her perfection obsessive passion. Now, the funny part was, not a single person asked how many time she failed, got it wrong, thought about packing the whole thing in – because that was not the point of doing them. The point was to see if she could, so – BRING ON THE FAILURE – it helps to do outstanding things!

(At times like this I really wish we hadn’t had the house fire. I had some beautiful pictures of those cookies. They looked like miniature peaches, or sparkly Christmas ornaments. About the size of an apricot, and way too pretty to eat.)

peach

AN ODE TO MY MOTHER – OR – IS THAT A TURKEY?

/ helbergfarmstories / 6 Comments

A little over a year since the fire. Second Holiday season since, and I am thinking about my mom. She loved to read and write, just not good at the latter but loved to try. So, as a tribute to her this Thanksgiving, I give you the following:

THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING (or a turkey revenge).

So it’s (or Twas) the day before Thanksgiving, the turkey was spry.

The peacock he chased said, “You’re gonna fry!”

The peacock then giggled, “Your butt is so big.”

“They’ll cook you and eat you served up like a pig.”

The turkey not worried, not scared not a bit.

Replied to the peacock, ”I’m not fat, I’m just fit!”

“I’ll hide with the chickens, and blend in just fine.”

 “You’re the bird of the day dear, the family will dine!”

DSC_0006

“They have to find me to eat me.” The turkey said with a snort

The peacock not knowing the turkey’s cohort.

While the peacock was taking his afternoon rest,

The gang got together, and doing their best.

They pinned down the snooty bird, his tail went first,

Glued on some feathers, all doing their worst.

They disguised the peacock, a turkey he looked.

Soon the farmer came out with the ax and a hook.

peacock with tail

He found the peacock all dressed as a turkey,

Thought the thing looks a bit skinny, odd and whacky?

But a bird is a bird and its Thanksgiving day,

So he picked up the callous bird and went on his way.

The moral of the story my friends now is this,

Don’t’ tick off a farm bird, you could end up like this:

 

turkey dinner

Yours Truly,

the bad poet’s society

(aka: mom xxxooo)

 

Happy Thanksgiving Day

 

 

SARCAS M, OR WICKED SENSE OF HUMOR?

/ helbergfarmstories / 1 Comment

Helberg meaning of the word:

SAR – short/twisted for “sarry, but you set yourself up for this.

CAS – short/twisted for “cas I have to slam you now – ya know that!

M: – short/twisted for “Mm gonna be sorry I did it, but will do it again in a heartbeat!

My family, for decades, has thrived on it. If we don’t pick on you, we don’t like you. Just ask anyone that knows us. Even when we do something outstanding, a complement is always – ALWAYS – met with a quip.

My sister was doing her passion in the kitchen and came out with this prize:

DSC_0002

It’s called “An Apple Rose” and it is not only yummy but a real wow-er (yes, I’m pretty sure it’s a new word for the Webster people)! She, as always, hands one to me for taste testing (yes, the job is hard but someone has to do it-boo hoo). So, being the polite sister that I am, I accepted the challenge, downed the puppy and responded: “Oh ya, these can’t go to work with you, pretty sure they ALL have to stay here at home.”

She knows, of course, that this means they are fantastic and too good to share! She then replies, “So I should throw them all to the chickens?” I proceed to tell her that pretty sure they would be poison for our birds, and we need to force ourselves to suck it up and eat them.

It’s always been this way. If we really like or love something, gotta slam it. If we don’t really care about it – straight answer. My earliest memory of the origin of this was my sister and I volunteering (ya-sure, 8 and 10 years old volunteering to clean?) to clean up the kitchen after dinner. I don’t remember why or how we thought of it, but mashed potatoes were the instigator in our plan.

Now any parent knows when the kids are quiet, or worse giggling, there is something wrong. So, being the great father that he was, he sauntered into the kitchen to see what we were up to. “What’s going on in here?”, he growled. There we stood, ear-to-ear smiles on our faces, covered head-to-toe in soapy water from doing dishes, most of the table was cleared. “Nothing,” we both responded.

Dad was on to us. He stood in the door way, researching the room to spy the reason for our comradery. He did not see anything out of place, glared one more time at us, turned to leave the room, and just started to say Don’t take too long – WHEN IT HAPPENED! The mashed potatoes that we had flung to the ceiling had decided, at that exact moment, to release. Landed smack on top of dad’s head.

He placed a hand on his head to see what had attacked him. Slowly turned back to re-view the kitchen. He now spotted the numerous blotches of mashed potatoes and slick slimy rounds of bologna sandwich meat spattered all over the ceiling. My sister and I were proud of our ability to do this great work of art, but pretty sure dad was not going to appreciate it.

I always knew our father was special, particularly when it came to his kids, and to say that grown men are worse than little children is an understatement where he was concerned. But in this moment, it was perfectly matched. Instead of a scowl, he had a slight grin on his face. “Clean up this mess, get it all off the ceiling and clean that too.” He said. Turned and went back to the living room. We, in turn, stood giggling and watching as the other flung food began to lose its grasp of the ceiling and come crashing to the floor.

To this day, I don’t know if he ever told anyone about this, but I do know that we sisters have talked and laughed about it many times. So, in conclusion, my family raised me well with sarcasm and a wicked sense of humor. These both have proved to serve me well – no really! What would your parents have done with you and your mashed potatoes?