Colorado

COLORADO WINDS SONG – humor.

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PLEASE READ TO THE TUNE OF CAMP TOWN RACERS – DO DAH.

Colorado has some winds, do dah, do dah.

Never can tell just what’s comin in, oh da do da, do day.

Gonna blow all night.

Gonna blow all day.

One of these days it’ll take us away, oh da do da day.

Half the barn roof blew away, do dah, do da.

Flying birds can’t seem to stay, oh da do da, day.

Roofing gone at night.

Shingles gone at day.

Farm truck up and floats away, oh da do da day.

Coldest ones blow in a freeze, do dah, do dah.

Hottest won’t at a hundred degrees, oh da do da, day.

Ice is on my face.

Sweat is in my eyes.

Our chickens live in Kansas now. Oh, da do da day.

cow in twister windy lady

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PLANT, SKI, OR GOLF? THAT IS THE QUESTION.

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Ah yes, spring in Colorado.  Almost June first and you can go golfing and skiing in the same day.  I have only been golfing once.  I did enjoy it, but just don’t have that kind of time.  I have been skiing also, but found it was a great way to break a limb- and I want to keep what I have – thank you.  So, it’s on with the planting.

Our poor plants can’t decide if they should bloom or hide.  We did get a chance to get our corn, root veggies and peas in, but still, have not been able to transplant our pepper and tomato starts.  This year that may be a good thing.  Normal high today is supposed to be 76°F, and today we are only getting to about 55°F.

We had been concentrating on clean up and repairs, but now we must get the rest of our seeds and transplants in or there will not be enough for harvesting this fall.

Stupid dogs have been our main project.  Every time they get out of the front yard, they kill something we want to keep – chickens, cats, birds.  Heaven forbid they actually go after the pests that attack our gardens – prairie dogs, monster gophers from hell, and rabbits (yes I love bunnies but not when they choose my garden over the fields around us.).

We constructed a new pen just for them and thought we had a tall enough fence around it.  Apparently, our Boxer is a fricken athlete.  If he gets a running start at it, he will make it over – shit head!  The other dog must have been a gopher in a previous life because she can build a tunnel under anything in under thirty minutes – dumb ass!  (FYI – new names for the two are Shit Head and Dumb Ass.)

My sister and grandson tried to surprise me by using 2” PVC tubes (stolen from the greenhouse rows) and some orange plastic horse fencing (bought that years ago as an instant trellis for vine veggies) and ran it around the top of the pen.  They had it curving it which was a great idea-sort of.

Between the wind and our athlete dog, it only took about two days to have it all torn down.  So sad they worked so hard on it for me.  I originally had a different idea that I now began to put in place.

My sister had gotten a bunch of free black weed barrier type material from work (they usually throw it out – NOT if you have recycling fanatics around like us!) which was a bonus for the new pen.  I cut 2”x4” boards up to create an inward incline around the top.  I also ran the black cloth around the fence on the areas that faced the barns and tacked it down with the new 2”x4” boards.  Then I ran wire fencing on the top of the boards all around the top.  When I was done my sister took one look at it and said: “It looks like a prison.”  We both bust out laughing because it has come to this with our dogs – jerks!

 (Prison, Prison, dog pen – jerks!)

It’s not done yet, but Shit Head is already tearing the vinyl off the gate – one of the few parts we left a view for them – grr.  Guess I will have to cover that one too.

Once I am SURE the monsters cannot get out and get into anything I will finally get back to my planting (no skiing or golf for this garden gal).

garden gals

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An Ode: Spring In Colorado – Damn!

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Once again it is Spring.

Time to do the growing thing.

Last few months were prepping time.

Now is time to plant in line.

Got the plots all ready to go.

Put the seed in sow-sow-sow.

Grab the seedlings carefully.

Fingers getting all muddy.

Dig the holes, place them in.

Time for growing to begin.

So gently we handle the little starts.

Making sure all rows are marked.

Then Mother Nature gives a laugh.

She turns our sunshine into crap.

Warm spring days are quickly gone.

She helps the snow to linger on.

My starters droop, they start to cry.

Tell me Mother, how come? Why?

She smiles at God and starts to giggle.

“Isn’t it fun to make humans wriggle!”

THE END.

*************************************************************************************

Sometimes Mother Nature is a sick mother.

 (I just love the movie Moana – Tafiti is too perfect!)

You can also check me out at:  www.lifelessonslived.com for all the fun things I have learned in life.
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BOMB CYCLONE – PART 2 – WHY?

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I can’t believe I just heard the guy on the news say that this next storm coming in could be another bomb cyclone – WHAT?

I am a farmer/gardener and as such am constantly watching the weather.  The spring even more so as this is the start of our fooding season (yes I said fooding).  If our spring setup starts off bad, it makes for a very hard growing season the rest of the year.  Today (Tuesday 4/9/19) it is supposed to hit 80°(F) then it drops down by thirty degrees by tomorrow morning.  The day just continues to get worse from there, and the winds are supposed to be wickedly dangerous again. (Hang on to your butts Nebraska!)

Then, in true Colorado style, everything will bounce back beautifully.  I still remember the storms in Wisconsin (where I grew up).  It would start to snow around October (usually about the time we wanted to go trick-or-treating on Halloween), and not give up until sometime in April.

I remember snow drifts so high we would walk up and touch the top of the barn (one-year sledding was a blast!).  I remember building snow tunnels and forts in those drifts.  The outer edge would get a great icy crust on it, but the inside was perfect for digging out.  Those tunnels would usually last most of the winter.

snow tunnels

According to friends and family that still live back there, the last few months were the strongest storms that they had seen in decades.  I even recall them telling me that the last several years were drought years – WISCONSIN – DROUGHT??

WI greenery(Rolling hills, green and lush all the norm.)

Wisconsin is supposed to be hot and humid.  My hair is naturally curly and growing up I looked like Bozo the Clown most of the time.  When we were very young, mom would cut our hair because it was too hard to manage (bowl cut of course – yuck!).

bozo the clown  bowl haircut(like this but curly)

This 80-90 degrees on one day then 24-48 hours later a blizzard never happened in Wisconsin.  Part of moving to and staying in Colorado is just because of the weather.  I will NEVER forget my very first visit driving from Wisconsin with friends and a sister to Denver, then to the western slope.  Things (business wise) went from bad to worse in Wisconsin, so I convince people to take a trip to Colorado.  I had dreamed of seeing the Rocky Mountains and Alaska when I was younger, so I thought – why not? When we got to Denver people were roller skating down the sidewalk in shorts?!  We just left three feet of snow and freaking sub-zero temps.  That is still so clear in my mind, and I am pretty sure the main reason I stayed.

roller skating

The changes in weather are great fun, but rotten for spring planting.

TO PLANT, OR NOT TO PLANT – THAT IS THE QUESTION?

Every year I try hard to get the potatoes and onions in somewhere by the end of March – didn’t happen.  Then I work just as hard to get the corn in by mid-April – not looking good.

We have tons of flowers coming up, buds are getting big on the trees, and we will have flowers on them soon too – eeek!  If we get the freeze they are expecting (The Weather Channel.com – I check it every day, couple times a day on my tech.), then all those flower buds could freeze – meaning no fruit – grr!

I have officially decided to wait on planting, starting or transplanting anything until at least next week Tuesday – April 16th – aptly my birthday.  Wish me luck!  I am even going to take some of my sister’s starters out to the ripped up greenhouse and see what I can do with them – mainly in the protection area.  Without a cover on it, it will be every plant for itself.  I will be using some of our 5-gallon buckets to protect them should we get a deep fluke freeze after next Tuesday.  It could still happen into the early part of May here, but I am optimistic (oh silly me).

Hope you all have an easier planting schedule and a bit more reliable weather pattern than we do.  Maybe when I am old, rich, and retired (instead of so darn beautiful – LOL), I will fully appreciate the fun changes here – who knows?

Old Rich 1

Old Rich 2

You can also check me out at:  www.lifelessonslived.com for all the fun things I have learned in life.

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Why does Colorado make me laugh?

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music note 1Snow, snow go away – rain come out so plants can play!music note 2

Got my wish!  Our fun state tied a record yesterday (3/23/17), high temp of 76 degrees at the same time as a blizzard watch (starts in our mountains):

CO tied record

We have been watching all the news channels over the last 48 hours in the hope that we would not see freezing or snow, and we did not (at least not in our perfect space)!  Colorado is so weird with its weather.  I can change from one hour to the next, but it can also give us tons of wonderful rain while 50 miles south and west are getting a blizzard.  I have seen it raining across the street and not touch us at all (that was fun!).

The rain is a welcome sight. However, this also means that I need to get my butt in gear on tuning up the mowers (love the rider, hate the push)!  Things have been greening up here a tiny bit, but after this bit, we will be bloomin’ fools.

bloomin fool

But, with everything going on around us today, couldn’t help but think of the fun movie “Evan Almighty” and the scene that hit me the most today…when the ark crashes into Congress and Steve Carell basically calls John Goodman an idiot for being so underhanded, sneaky, and self-centered.

Evan Almighty crash into congress

Hope you are all having a fun Friday and looking forward to spring finally springing!

spring colors

pretty vine n flower

 

 

I HATE ROLLER COASTERS, DO YOU?

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I hate roller coasters! I always have. I used to ride most other County Fair rides, just not coasters. The octopus (we called it the spider) with all of its spinning never bothered me. There’s just something about all the way up and way down that I never could stomach (literally – I would throw up every time I was stupid enough to try – ewe!)
I went to Las Vegas with a friend several years ago. We decided to visit Caesars Palace because the animated movie Atlantis came out and they had a ride related to it. Sounded like a great fun thing to do in Vegas – oh stupid me!
Got our tickets and while maneuvering the line to get in they handed out special glasses to view the movie with (STRIKE #1). My girlfriend picked the balcony front row seats I “So we get the best view of all the movie!” (STRIKE #2). We sat down in our front row, balcony seats and heard the announcer say “Everyone, please fasten your seatbelts so we can begin the show, thank you.” WHAT?? (STRIKE #3 and I wish I had been out!)
The movie ride started up. It was called Race to Atlantis, and I was about to find out why. With special glasses on, our seats started to tilt back. The little guy in the movie/ride was sitting in his water racer, and this HUGE slingshot thingy was being pulled back with a racer in it. At the same time, our seats tilted farther and farther back. The announcer on the screen yelled: “THEY’RE OFF!”; and like a shot, we were flung forward in our seats. Now, remember – we are front row balcony! The stupid glasses were a 3-D type, and I vaguely recall screaming as I was thrown forward in my seat! The rest of the movie was a maze of ups, downs, twists, and turns. When it was over, I thanked God several times for my seatbelt staying intact. Then I cursed at my girlfriend, who would not stop laughing at me, for taking me on such a thing!
Well, I am pretty sure all Farmers hate weather that roller coasters! This is exactly what our weather has been doing since the first of the year. The upper seventies one day to lower thirties the next – what the hay? Up and down and up and down – how are we supposed to plan around this mess? Then the other issue is, did all the bad monsters actually freeze out or are we going to have a huge pest infestation this summer?

first-lillies-2-27-17.jpg

(This pic was taken with my camera 2-27-17 at about 2 p.m.)
Most of our annual flowers are starting to pop out. The trees are starting to bud (so far only leaf buds but I am worried). We have a flood of beetles on the south side of the house, and our first house flies already!
Then this:

2-28-17-snowing-n-20-degrees

This pic was taken on 2-28-17 about noon. The fuzzy spot was a huge snow flake. The grey in the background is the beginning of a great snow storm.
By 5pm the whole storm thingy was over. The high never got past 20 degrees. The next 10 days are running from mid to upper 40’s to mid to upper 70’s. So, no matter how much snow we get all total, it will be gone by 5pm the next day. Now how is a body supposed to plan and plant in this stuff? Ahh the life of a farmer/gardener! The only hope is that it stays heavy/wet enough to soak in!
(P.S. Would not trade my country life for city ever again or for anything in the world!)

warm-heart

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Are You As Concerned As I Am?

/ helbergfarmstories / 12 Comments

It is Wednesday, February 8, 2017, and it will be over 50°F. in Brush, Colorado.  We are expecting 70°+ on Friday – BUT IT’S FEBRUARY???   This is so not normal.  We have started seeds, but I am afraid they may be in for as much of a shock as we are.

Starting long-growers this time of year is nothing new, but my sister is looking at starting a bunch of flowers?  She wants to replace all the Iris’s around the pond in the front yard with a multitude of flowers and colors.  Great idea, however; starting them right now may not be.

the-pond-in-feb-normal

This is the normal pond area this time of year.  Last Thursday (2/2/17) we had such a bad ice storm that they shut down over half of the state (schools, businesses, and roads).  I tried to approach her on this, but she has spring fever extremely bad!  The flowers she is thinking of are of fantastic colors and strange looks, but they must have a “no freeze” time to make it.  We are zone 5 (click on the zone 5, and you can locate your growing zone) and are still susceptible to a deep freeze.

We historically put in our onions and potatoes about the middle to end of March.  Then we cover them with a very thick layer of straw mulch (this year I am adding chicken wire and my feathery monsters decided that was the best place ever to dig for bugs, and dug up everything I put in – grrr!).  They will last through most any freeze here.

One of the best things I have always loved about Colorado is our weather, however; a couple of years ago, was a real freaker.  It was 90° on Friday, then less than 30° and snowing on Monday.  We had planted our corn in mid-April – normal –  but lost it all to the wicked, weird weather.  This warm in February worries me a lot.

I love the strange and abby-normal things, but not when it comes to my food sources.  We grow our own and rely on the seasons to determine when to start what.  Yes, we are lucky to have a Godzilla-size greenhouse, but we do not keep it heated throughout.  We usually let the weather (the sun mainly, but even on a cloudy day it can get over 70° in there easy) manage most of it.  We keep a single electric heater on the west side for the herbs and ever-bearing strawberries.  The heater only maintains those two rows.  There are four other rows for seasonal things.

greenhouse-interior-before-plants (This was before we filled it. You can see the very first plot on the far right side – that is our “east” side of the greenhouse.  The ladder in the center is 6′ tall, the edges (where the plot and the dog are) are 3′ underground.  From the outside it looks like you could easily reach the top – not – it’s about 20′ up.)

 

We are looking at cabbages, spinach, carrots, broccoli and other “cold weather” crops this time of year.  But if that greenhouse gets over 70° for more than half a day, we could lose those in a heartbeat.  We have a swamp cooler that covers the whole north end for the hot summer days, but it is in storage right now.

We also hope to build a “starter area” in the southeast corner this summer.  Right now, all the starts are done in the house and the porch.  It is enclosed and attached to the house, but no heat vent to it – just small space heater to keep it over 50°, and a HUGE south facing window that warms it up to over 80° when the sun is out.  These wild changes in weather have us worried about what may happen in the greenhouse starter area?

I have a lot of family in the upper Midwest area (MI, WI, OH) and I watch what their weather is doing also.  They started out with a mild winter then –BAM­ – getting nailed with tons of snow and freezing storms.  Their storms have been so bad that they have gone without power for short periods of time.  One other reason to fear to start seeds now.  If we cannot keep the heat consistently above a certain temp, they won’t germinate and grow.

The other great thing about Colorado and weather is that when the sun shines here, even as low as 20 degrees, it will make it warm enough to melt the ice.  Place that sun in a huge window or greenhouse, and you have instant warmth.  As I said earlier, even on a cloudy day, we can be warm.  It is the fluctuations that are freaking me out.  The abby-normal warm temperatures are no help either.

miser-brothers

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DON’T LOOK AT IT – DON’T LOOK AT IT – DON’T LOOK AT IT!

/ helbergfarmstories / 6 Comments

What is the first thing you do when you get into your vehicle to go somewhere. My habit is to turn on the radio.  Two reasons for this: 1) It sets my pace for the day – good music = great day. 2) To check who is singing and the name of the song, in case I want to buy it. See, I have this fun new car with fun new features. One of them is this great “info” dash reader. Here is a pic from this morning:

12-8-16-dash-info-14-degrees

So, here’s how the fun techno works.  The bottom is the name of the song – OK.  The middle is the singer or group – OK.  Above that is the radio station (KOSI plays 24/7 Christmas music starting about Thanksgiving) – OK.  Now the top line is where I need to “not” look.

My clock (says 8:15) is off.  I hate daylight savings time changes, and I always have to drag out my instruction manual to figure out how to make the stupid 1-hour changes twice a year…so I just don’t!  The time this morning was actually 7:15 a.m.

The top middle is how many miles I can drive before I run out of gas – I really like this one!  The cute little gas tank (every newer car has this one) tells me which side of the car my cap is on.  This is a good thing because our vehicles are different, and yes, sometimes I forget what I am driving.

The helpful yellow “I” tells me to check my “engine info.”  All I have to do is click a switch, and it tells me things like “low on washer fluid” which just so happens to be what it is trying to tell me now, but I am ignoring it.

Then we come to the culprit of my “don’t look” title – TEMPERATURE!  Yep, it says negative 12 degrees.  OOOUUUCCCHHH!!!  Now I love snow, so fun to play in and we can always use the moisture.  However, cold and I are no longer friends.  I expect that beastie to show up around February, but not in December.  Not here in the northeastern Colorado plains in December.  Our norm is around 35-65 depending on Mother Nature. Today I think Jack Frost has hog-tied Mom Nature just to remind me I have several fake joints (JERK!).

So, as of this morning, I am trying to train this “old dog” to do a new trick – Don’t Look, don’t look, don’t look at the dash in the morning.  Maybe I will make that in the winter?

I enjoy cooler weather much more than hotter weather; however, I draw the line at minus numbers. A crisp fall air, a couple of feet of snow – no big deal. But the negatives are just as bad as the over 80’s in the summer to me. Can only put so much extra on, or take so much off to help my body adjust. When it gets to these types of temps, I’m screwed all day.

I even thought I just stick a small piece of electrical or duct tape over that tiny area just to fool myself into believing it is not what it is. Maybe that will work?

laugh-so-hard-sign

(then they froze – LMAO!)

IT SHOULD START WITH ME – SHOULDN’T IT?

/ helbergfarmstories / 5 Comments

“It all trickles down from the top.”   “All Politicians are self-centered liars.”

“The bigger the company is, the less it cares about its employees.”

Sound familiar?  All too familiar for me.  I used to say all of that and more.  There was always someone or something else to blame for things that were happening to me.

Then, when I was about 30 years old, I realized something.  Something that really happened in my life which proved that all of this was wrong.

The man that caused me to lose my job, right after my disable daughter was born, got fired – and I was nowhere near him when it happened.  The truth gets even better:

My daughter was born with spina bifida and two clubfeet – they were both turned into her ankle and up toward her knees.

baby-w-club-feet

I worked as the Accounts Receivable Clerk for an automotive firm – great owner, rotten Office Manager.  The owner happened to be gone when I came back to work after giving birth.  I had made the following arrangements with a specialist to begin work on my daughter.

  • Every Tuesday morning, I would get up early, soak and remove her little casts (I used a steak knife to cut them off. I used to stick my finger between the cast and her leg to get it cut open – usually ran out of bandaids – ha ha).
  • The Doctor then agreed to take us in at 7:30 a.m. (not regular office hours) and edge/twist the feet down a bit more and recast.
  • This whole process meant that I was going to be about 30 minutes late for work every Tuesday.
  • I calculated that I could compensate for this by not taking a lunch break on those days.

The Office Manager (taking advantage of the fact that the owner was on vacation) told me “This is unacceptable, either you need to have someone else take care of your daughter, or we will have to replace your position.”  He knew I was a single mom and this was my only source of income. (I WILL NEVER FORGET THOSE WORDS!)

I looked him straight in the eyes, said “screw you” and walked out!

You can pull whatever you want with me, but NEVER USE MY CHILD to try to get at me.  The owner came back, called me in and asked me to come back.  We discussed many things (he was, by-the-way, an excellent family man), but I boiled it down to this: “Can you guarantee that the first time I have to call in sick to work because my child is sick, he will not try to pull this again?” He said no.  We both cried (yep – a real boss that cared about his employees!), and I left.

Postpartum kicked in, and I felt sorry for myself for about a week.  Then I found another job.  Through my mother got connected with Shriners for Children (what a Godsend they are!) to work with my daughter’s condition (I had no insurance, no money – all I had was great family support – sometimes that is all a person needs!), and got on with my life.

I had several very close friends that I left at that business, but they stayed in touch.  One was the Shop Manager.  One day, out of the blue, I received a call from him: “Want a job?”

He went on to tell me they finally found that the Office Manager had been embezzling from the company.  (I did leave a hint with him and the owner that it was unusual for an Office Manager not to have books up to date – this guy was ALWAYS 3-6 months behind…now there’s a hint!?!)  He was jailed, found guilty, lost his CPA license, had HUGE fines and reimbursements to pay, and last heard – was driving a cement truck.

oh-happy-day

The lesson that I learned that day was “EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, ” and I live by this every day.  I did not cause the Jerk’s downfall; he did it to himself.  I was just lucky enough to hear about it from much loved friends.  Karma is a bitch!

Why am I telling you all of this?  Because of our wonderful 2016 election here in the USA.

I do not discuss politics or religion with family or friends because I love them.  Everyone is allowed their own opinions and just because I do not see eye-to-eye with you, should never mean that I do not like you!  This election is the worst I can ever remember regarding divisions.

I am on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram, and Pinterest and have seen some awful mud-slinging going on in those social sites.  This, to me, is wrong!  I understand the following things:

  • We The People do not speak up enough on our level. We expect our elected local officials to carry our voices to Washington DC, yet somewhere along the way it gets lost.  Lobbyists, big corporations, or their own personal agendas override our voice.
  • ALL Politicians are in it for the money. Their golden parachute.  Do you know that they get to retire with the same income that they resign from the office with?  I did not know that great little factoid until I became a government worker – now that’s sad! (Note: I had a lower pee-on type government job so no parachute for me, not even a cloth one boo hoo!)
  • Few to no Politicians build their platforms on the good that they have done, and the good that they will do for we the people. Instead, they find all the faults in their opponents or feed you what you want to hear.  No intention of actually doing it.
  • The biggest reality – this all starts with “me!”

So this year I chose to be happy, to bring more joy into my life and the lives of those around me.  I chose to find more humor in everything that I can.  I did not remember this was an election year when I made this choice, but I’m glad I am trying.  This is my plan:

  1. Don’t believe any Politician ever again!
  2. Don’t simply sit back and let them bully me/us/we the people to get what “they” want.
  3. Take a stand every chance I get (right now it is the pipeline through the Indian Land in North Dakota ) Maybe “I” alone cannot do much, but bunches of “I’s” can do something together!
  4. Start at my local level to create change! We have issues with fracking waste water that they are trying to dump in our county – not on my watch!
  5. Push even harder to bring joy and laughter into every day.

calvin-n-hobbs-smile

So, what do you think of my 5-step plan? Are you laughing with/at me yet?  Sorry, I got a bit long in this one my wonderful Readers, but today is the day for “we” or at least “me” to start making changes. Stop blaming everyone and everything else and start taking the steps toward something better.

I think one of my long-term goals will be to find an honest attorney (ya, I know – is there such a creature?) that is willing to try to push a bill to get the “golden parachutes” stopped.  It will require the politicians to get a real job after they leave the government one, and retire the same way the rest of the nation has to – the same rate of income, same ups-and-downs connected to the stock market, and same medical insurance. (Now there’s the kicker!)  Wish me luck – or at least happy times while doing it!

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GOT SO EXCITED ALMOST WET MYSELF!

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I hate cell phones!  Having said that, I have come to rely on mine way too much.  I get notices on EVERYTHING about everyone – ridiculous!   But this is now a fact of my life.

One of the notices I get is of value.  I get breaking news information – local and the world (don’t care about national right now due to politics – another thing I hate!).  Well, the text I received a few moments ago was really exciting.

The Winter Park Ski Train is trying to run again. WOO HOO!!  (9 News Winter Park Train)

This is even better because I am not a skier.  Not anymore anyway.  I was back in the 70’s to 90’s, but you get to a certain point in your life when you realize that the fun is not worth the broken bones or joints (my case – joints).

I do love winter.  I love the mountains.  I love train rides.  I love sitting in the lodge with my hot toddy next to a huge fireplace watching someone fall on the slope.  I also have a great excuse – my 7- year old grandson!  He has never been on a train, and we really want to give him the experience.  If they decide to run it the full season, we may have to book tickets.

If you are coming to Colorado in the “snow season” I highly recommend using the train.  So much better than trying to drive those slopes with that amount of traffic.  Winter Park also has a ton of fun other stuff to do.  (Side funny: I caught news anchors on National Channel this morning singing a Christmas song – – – guess it just shows how desperate we all are to get rid of all the political B.S.!)

winter park snow scene

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